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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ridiculous Weight-Loss Procedures From a Soviet Textbook (pics)

Posted By on Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 8:00 AM

Page 2 of 2

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The Fat-Reduction Rack

We also seem to have forgotten mechanical cures. Many patients who are mildly fat might appreciate an increase in height. Here, a patient's body is slowly twisted longer until his BMI falls within government guidelines.

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Simple Body Deflation

Some patients aren't fat, they really are just fluffy. This diagram shows how to deflate the patient to proper habitus pressurization.

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The Bone-ectomy

The Soviets were also crucially aware that bones sometimes weigh more than fat. This diagram shows how to break and remove a patient's bones to produce a lither, slimmer body.

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Disarmament

American doctors would do well to consider that patients require the use of their hands and arms to ingest food. Here are some examples of ways to separate the shoulder to inhibit appetite.

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Tongue Removal

Another readily implementable workaround is linguectomy. Surgeons should inspect the tongue, as shown here, to make sure it is healthy before removing it and thus restricting the patient's food intake.

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Marilyn Wann is author of the FAT!SO? book and creator of the 2012 FAT!SO? Dayplanner (available from voluptuart.com), which contains an expanded list of opportunity cost-comparisons like the ones mentioned above.

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Marilyn Wann

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