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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Six Bursts of Wisdom from Denise Richards' Memoir The Real Girl Next Door

Posted By on Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 9:00 AM


Big important books-are-dying news: Charlie Sheen's ex-wife Denise Richards has a new memoir out, The Real Girl Next Door. And in case you couldn't tell, we're pretty damn excited. It's been a long time since we felt like we were WINNING, and we figured this book could get us back on track.

We didn't want to hoard all the glorious moments for ourselves, so here are our favorite quotes culled from Richards' oeuvre. Why not pour yourself a Napa Valley chardonnay and savor yourself some literature?

Richards on the morning after her first date with Sheen:

"When I left the next morning, I was a teeny bit embarrassed to walk through Charlie's lobby while wearing his T-shirt and carrying my high heels in my hand, but I knew it probably wasn't the first time the security guards had seen a woman leaving Charlie's place like that. And, hey, if every girl left with a shirt of his, he probably wouldn't have any left! I knew I was special."

Richards the prose stylist:

"I was horrified when reporters called about [daughter] Sami's first birthday and paparazzi staked out her party. Everyone advised me to cancel it. But no way was I going to cancel her celebration because Charlie and I were going through our shit."

Richards on self-esteem:

"I was amused at finding myself called a sex symbol. Sure, it was a wonderful compliment, but the reality was, at 26, I had my good days and bad days, like anyone else. I still remembered being called Fish Lips and Bucky Beaver. It was all about keeping perspective."

Richards on how not to land Richards:

"I even let a friend talk me into going on a blind date with a chiropractor. He sent me a text offering to come over and give me 'an adjustment' in exchange for a glass of wine. When I didn't respond, he sent me a picture of himself shirtless, holding a beer. That was supposed to impress me? Sorry."

Richards on Sheen's reaction when she told him she was worried about his drug use:

"Thanking me, and reassuring me he was okay, he told me of his plan to move four women into his home. They'd be his girlfriends -- his 'porn family,' as he called it."

Richards on Crayola:

"By junior high, though, I was sneaking lipstick out in my purse and applying it so heavily that one day a boy came up to me and said, 'Kissing you would be like kissing a crayon.'"

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Dean Schaffer


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