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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hustler's Porn Ghostbusters Parody: Your Minute-by-Minute Breakdown

Posted By on Tue, Jun 7, 2011 at 12:00 PM

click to enlarge hustler_ghostbusters_porn.jpg
Recently, SF Weekly received a copy of This Ain't Ghostbusters, the new "parody" porn film from Larry Flynt's Hustler empire and director Axel Braun.

Here's one man and woman's minute-by-minute review, presented here because we ain't 'fraid of no hardcore - not even of the slick and overproduced variety where the women's flesh is slick and orange-tinged and plasticky, like American cheese slices still in the wrappers.

00:15: Like the real Ghostbusters (but not the cartoon The Real Ghostbusters), This Ain't Ghostbusters opens at the New York Public Library, where an offscreen ghost startles an elderly librarian, but this time that elderly librarian is played by Ron Jeremy.

Alan: The real question is will it be better than Ghostbusters II?
Amy: And which one has more slime?

Also like the real Ghostbusters, this one opens with a dopey funk ripoff of Huey Lewis' "I Want a New Drug." This one, though, asks, "Who ya gonna fuck?"

As Ron Jeremy trundles his book cart through the stacks, Amy spies a copy of Dave Barry Turns Forty. Neither of us expected that.

Three minutes or so: Porn Bill Murray (Evan Stone) conducts ESP experiments in an academic laboratory. Speaking of Huey Lewis, this guy looks more like him than he does Non-Porn Bill Murray. He speaks his lines -- many swiped right from Ghostbusters -- in a wretched imitation that sounds like Non-Porn Bill Murray's Caddyshack character as imagined by Sloth from The Goonies.

Eventually, Porn Bill Murray tells a promising subject that she will experience full "sensory overload." To this end, he places his penis in her mouth.

05:00 - 016:20: Much ado about sucking. At one point, Porn Bill Murray slaps student's bottom with a ruler.

Alan: In this version, it's much more plausible that the Ghostbusters would lose their funding.

16:20: Porn Bill Murray goes down on student. He slurps her juices, some of which he gathers in a Petri dish.

Amy: He's a scientist.

23:00: Porn Bill Murray ejaculates on face of his student. He groans in his fake Bill Murray voice: "Yes, yes, right there."

Amy: This laboratory scene is longer than in the original movie.

24:00 At the library, the Not-Ghostbusters track a "full-frontal apparition" with their "X-X-X meter." They encounter an ectoplasmic porn starlet, a woman made lime-Jell-O ghostly with computer effects. She kicks Porn Bill Murray in the crotch, which, thankfully, silences his one-liners. Then she takes corporeal form and immediately seduces one of the non-Porn Bill Murray Ghostbusters.

Amy: She's really having a time with his pants.
Alan: Yeah, she's fumbling. They should have cut this out.
Amy: She just took material form for the first time in who knows how long. It takes some getting used to.

27:00-41:00: Scenes of the flesh that, in their rote thrusting and plunging, inspired a spirited discussion of the miracle of mechanized production and interchangeable parts.

43:00: Porn Rick Moranis announces to Porn Sigourney Weaver (Raven Alexis) that he's going to watch some "adult" videos. He boasts, "I'm gonna play them at double speed so I can ejaculate twice as fast!"

Alan: They should do a porn Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Amy: You know what '80s movie they should do? Beaches.
Alan: With Uncle Buck or Pretty in Pink they wouldn't have to change titles.

44:00: In her apartment, Porn Sigourney Weaver sees a low-rent commercial for the Ghostbusters. I mean "The Busters": In some weird concession to copyright, the word "Ghost" is awkwardly erased from the soundtrack. As she digs through her refrigerator, her food starts going crazy. In this case, hotdogs launch themselves from the package.

Alan: I don't like where this is going.
Amy: It was eggs in the original, right? Her eggs boiled and cracked.
Alan: Yeah.
Amy: That's exactly what's wrong with mainstream porn. It's all flying meat, but nobody's eggs are getting hot.

The movie fails to be perverse enough to show Porn Sigourney Weaver taking a hotdog.

Next: Can you guess what Hustler renamed the Ecto-1?

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Alan Scherstuhl

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