Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Sweet Spot: Pickup Tips for Women Going on the Prowl

Posted By on Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 8:00 AM

"Nice shoes. Want to fuck?" Hmmmm. That phrase might help you get laid. But if not, and if you are a man, there are hundreds of resources that promise to help you get down. has been doing a booming business for years offering advice such as "Smile" and "Constantly repeat her name." I hate it when a man does that. Just a word to the wise.

Aside from somewhat questionable advice, men are pretty well set with the how and the where. But what about women? Men are not the only ones who enjoy a regular dose of sex just for fun. There is this myth that women have the sexual power and all they have to do is say, "Let's go" and off go the pants. Not true. Fear, annoying power dynamics, and uncertainty about how to go about the whole thing keeps many a woman from getting hers when that bad old sun goes down.

So I talked with two women who have found successful approaches to getting your orgasm on in a way that is fun, safe, and tasty.

Vanessa L. Pinto, otherwise known as Fleur De Lis, is an alt-sex blogger. She does not like meeting men in bars.

Vanessa L. Pinto says bars are a mix of chaotic and creepy.
  • Vanessa L. Pinto says bars are a mix of chaotic and creepy.
"In bars, my ass will get grabbed, my tits will get grabbed, and so many of the men are just so creepy," she says. Instead she has been a fan of Mission Control SF, a catch-all organization that is the go-to site for information on sex parties including Kinky Salon and Pink. She is also now one of the lucky upper-level guests on the list for monthly orgies at the Armory, the building that houses

These are Pinto's "favorite places to get friendly," and for her, "they are safe, boundary-oriented, and not creepy. You court somebody into the bedroom." Some of the parties are BDSM-flavored and others are queer-focused. She thought when she began this adventure that running into people she has met at the parties on the street would be awkward. But it hasn't been.

"People will let you know if they want to talk or not. And if they do talk, it is friendly and respectful," Pinto says.

Next: W4W Advice

  • Pin It

Tags: , , ,

About The Author

Ginger Murray


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"