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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Kids Are Alright. Just Alright.

Posted By on Tue, Mar 1, 2011 at 8:55 AM

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Well, dear readers, I had intended to write about the Oscars for this posting, but did anyone else watch and have a total snore of a time? I mean seriously, you know it's a total snoozefest when you find yourself checking your recent Facebook updates to laugh at all your friends' better jokes.

So even though I learned a new writing technique this week, of NOT including everything in one column, I fear I won't have anything meaningful to say about the awards show, so I'll leave that until the end of the post and tell of some of the other things going on in our fair city.

Thursday night, IN THE RAIN, I hoofed it to Cookie Dough's Monster Show at the Edge Bar in the Castro. To honor my new tradition of trying to see a new drag show or hit a new venue at least once a year (ok, maybe once a month...once a week?...you bitches are really trying to kill me, aren't you?) I figured this would be a good introduction to what the kids are doing.

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Cookie Dough is the reigning Duchess of...well...SF, I guess? I know, I know...I'm not even sure how the Ducal Court and Imperial Court work, but one of these days, I'll get the inside scoop and fill you all in. Cookie Dough is as sweet and inviting as can be, and even on this rainy night, her warmth and comfort dried many a damp panty. (That could have just been my cocktails). And in true investigatory fashion, I did not catch all the performers' names, and couldn't hold my camera steady. That can really only mean that I had fun if I wasn't paying attention to facts, n'est pas? The one thing I did notice, which was refreshing considering I wasn't familiar with the performers (other than CD) is that they gave it their all. The rain didn't dampen their spirits, and even if, personally, they wanted to be somewhere else, you would have never known. These queens made me remember, that some of us perform because we like to, and that these smaller venues allow us to try new routines out and practice our craft, while feeling the love from drunk horny gays. Truly, where else can you see a number about Facebook, a number involving a home-made flying saucer, and naturally, a duet between a puppet and Joan Crawford?
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On Saturday, I made my way over to Retro Fit Vintage at 910 Valencia. Every last Saturday of the month, Kate Richards (aka Kegel Kater) does a fabulous make-up tutorial from 3-5p called PrettyPretty (Look at you!).
Kegel Kater
  • Kegel Kater
She pulls from her vast make-up knowledge ranging from glamour to special effects. Kate has been performing in the Thrillpeddlers, long running hit Pearls Over Shanghai, and brings her Cockettes-style make-up techniques to life either on herself, or as in the case this week, on willing audience participants.
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Her free and easy manner (no comment) make her a delight to watch and she'll keep you laughing with enough funny stories to fill the whole two hours. She takes the time to explain things easily and is always willing to field questions from the attendees. It is free to attend, but highly suggested (by me) that you tip the make-up artist for her time and expertise. Also, if you attend the tutorial, you receive a discount of 25% off any make-up purchased at that time. (the owner of the shop must be a true saint).
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Ok ok, now off to the real horse race...the Oscars...zzzzz Even the fashion was a bore, yes, as always there are a few standouts, (Jennifer Hudson, Cate Blanchet and my crush on Mila Kunis is now confirmed), but there was no Bjork swan dress, no Cher beaded satellite head piece...come on, how hilarious and memorable would it have been to see Natalie Portman in a black sequin swan dress...all she would have to do is pull feathers out of her bosom and call it a drag number, Oh wait, I think that was a drag number.

Ok, so lets get through this a little quicker than the actual award show did...

The hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, were not bad, but they should have just let Anne host on her own. Was the notion of the pairing to pull a younger, hipper audience? Did anyone notice how thrilled that the audience was when Billy Crystal stepped out? In my view, pandering to a younger demographic will never measure up to old school work ethics and Hollywood history. I mean seriously, Bob Hope got some of the best recycled laughs of the evening.

I was, however, slightly insulted at the horrible "Marliyn" job they pulled on James. If you straightened his wig, it might show that, what, he has pride in dressing in drag and that would make him appear less manly? I know some will say I'm over-analying, but I assure you, there is always a reason behind staged actions around gender and cross-dressing that are too overwhelming to even begin to discuss. It's always going to be more acceptable for Anne to dress in a masculine pant suit, enjoy wearing the clothes, be happy in them, and still be a sexy woman. Not so for the man.

Luckily the beauty and grace of Helen Mirren washed that horrible memory of James quickly away.

And I know the easy target of Celine Dion is ripe for a bullseye, but considering she did a great job singing during the In Memoriam, I will only mention that it was slightly funny when during a pause in the montage, they cut back to her, and it made it appear as if she was the next star who had passed on...hilarious!! But in true Hollywood fashion, Corey Haim got a big ole diss (They build you up to tear you down, and then forget about you.)

In short, the most memorable moment for me, was when the live action short film winner ... thanked his mom for doing craft services on his film. Yea ... seriously ... that was the best acceptance speech of the evening.

Oh those kids, what will they come up with next?

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Steven LeMay

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