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Friday, February 25, 2011

Easy Target: DOMA Don'ts, Safe Sexts, and Polk vs. Rainbows

Posted By on Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 6:00 PM

Oscar Raymundo - GABRIEL GASTELUM
  • Gabriel Gastelum
  • Oscar Raymundo

Welcome to a new column called Easy Target. Oscar Raymundo is the event coordinator at A Different Light bookstore and an editor at GayCities.com. He also writes the HomoTech column for EDGE Media Networks. Each week he alerts you to potential advances or threats to gaykind from the forces of the news media, politics, and popular culture -- the front lines of the culture wars -- in San Francisco and beyond. He also rates the personal risks being taken by those speaking up: Safe, Risky, or Dangerous. This week, President Obama's warning signs lower over the Defense of Marriage Act, and Fox News issues a state of emergency. Texting turns out to be a real life-saver. James Franco keeps acting gay. Polk Street residents go after gay colors and art. A Canadian gay boy has the worst "meet the parents" ever. And The A-List wants you - to give up what you have left of your dignity and argue over salad!

The U.S government caught up to modernity this week when the White House declared that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Proving he's not completely full of shit, President Obama ordered his administration to stop defending the federal law, which bans wedding cake designers and white tuxedo manufacturers from getting a huge bonus. According to his press secretary, Obama is "grappling with the issue"... still.

Well, that was quick.
  • Well, that was quick.
Almost immediately, fairy godmother and San Franciscan Dianne Feinstein said she would introduce legislation to repeal DOMA. Fantastic! And we didn't even have to call her! Safe.
sydney_sexual_health_centre.jpg
A new study conducted in Australia claims that gay men believe everything they read on a text. Especially if it involves sex. The Sydney Sexual Health Centre found that sending guys a text message reminding them to get tested doubled the chances of them actually doing it! Sending a guy a text message also doubles the chance of him calling you back, coming over for a hook-up, and reminding him that it's his turn to buy the lube. Safe.

Queerboy James Franco teased in a press conference about portraying the late art photographer Robert Mapplethorpe... in space. As for his relentless obsession with playing gay characters maybe signaling some sort of inner homo desire? "There are lots of other reasons to be interested in gay characters than wanting myself to go out and have sex with guys." But I can't really think of one, so jury's still out. In an even gayer move, the actor is hosting the Academy Awards this weekend with Anne Hathaway. Risky.

Rainbows are not welcome on Polk Street, at least not the gay ones that reflect pride and partying and pretending we're over poppers. That's kind of what a proposed mural would have depicted on a blank wall off Polk Street before the Lower Polk Neighbors community group called it "crude." Risky.

Hello, future new cast member of the hit Logo reality show The A-List, yes, I'm talking to you. The only thing better than being on a hit reality trash-show, is being kicked off a hit really trash-show. After the first episode, just fake a freak-out and walk out. Say that you just can't handle the pressure of keeping up with Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Look at the camera. If you're an aspiring actor, cry on camera. If you're an aspiring porn star, make a creepy confessional video and post it on Xtube. Risky.

To the critics who say America is crime crazy, what about this "meet the parents" nightmare that happened in Canada. A drunken man slashes his son's boyfriend in the face. The father (a local karaoke DJ?) is in jail. The son, who got stabbed in the hand while trying to step in, is happy. The boyfriend, who now knows not to tell your boyfriend's father to be quiet, is alive. Dangerous.

Maggie Gallagher: "The fight has just begun!"
  • Maggie Gallagher: "The fight has just begun!"
And just when you thought you could start browsing through engagement ring catalogues after defenseless DOMA, in comes Maggie Gallagher, from the National Organization of Marriage. She is concerned because President Obama basically said "gay is like black" now, which is interesting because I've always pictured gay to be light blue, maybe with tint of periwinkle. Megyn Kelly interviews the NOM MOM over at Fox News, which actually classifies the segment as an "alert!" Kelly is so terrified and outraged at the same time, it can't be human. Dangerous.
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Oscar Raymundo

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