Most people go to school to learn the three "Rs" -- reading, writing, and 'rithmetic -- but a Florida lawmaker knows that the last "R" actually stands for rim jobs, of the gay variety. And he's not afraid to let everybody know that new reading and math standards will turn children gayer than a pink isosceles triangle.
For those not up on the latest in gay panic hysteria, the newest target, Common Core, is a federal-state partnership whose aim is to create national academic standards for school kids (No homo!). Past child-corrupting schemes have included the notion that Disney's Frozen turns you gay, as well as Girl Scout cookies, and the idea that your mom made you gay due to being stressed while pregnant.
According to Republican State Rep. Charles Van Zant, Common Core's aim is to "attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can."This agenda is very cleverly hidden in Common Core's mission statement, which claims the standards "were created to ensure that all students graduate from high school with the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed in college, career, and life, regardless of where they live."
A program that seeks to prepare children to succeed in life regardless of socioeconomic circumstances? We could barely even type that, due to all the vaginas that just materialized in our mouth.
Here's the video of Van Zant's revelation, posted by ThinkProgress:
Van Zant claims that those implementing Common Core in Florida are "promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda." He then apologized for "seeing the sine."
"I really hate to bring you that news," he said, "but you need to know."
Common Core, in addition to somehow spreading the gay, has been accused of promoting socialism, Naziism, Islam, serf states, and damning America to hell, among other things. Ironically, conservatives such as Van Zant might have seriously benefited from some of Common Core's curricula, perhaps those involving critical thinking skills, or the one about how one should never drink and derive.
As Adam Weinstein pointed out in Gawker, this isn't the first bout of wackery to come from Van Zant, who once claimed that we can't run out of fossil fuels because God would simply make more:
"Some people would like to think that (the world's petroleum supply is limited). Estimates might show that. But that doesn't mean that at all. We happen to worship a god who made it all out of nothing anyway. And if we ran out, I certainly believe he could make some more."
A higher power, you say? That sure sounds like math to us, making Van Zant as "gay as he can possibly be" already. Hide your kids, hide your cosigns.
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