St. Patrick's Day, that annual reduction of all things Irish to green plastic bowler hats and overconsumption, falls on a Monday this year.
What a paradox: A holiday embraced by novice drinkers and shunned by actual drinkers is situated on a day ill-befitting novice drinkers' forays into serious drinking. It remains to be seen what Monday-night revelers are made of -- though, considering the aftereffects of St. Patrick's Day merriment, the answer may soon be on the pavement for all to see.
In any event, the police are taking a perfunctory approach to all that. In the eyes of the law, a drunk is a drunk is a drunk -- and anyone wandering through a DUI checkpoint while wearing a green plastic bowler hat is advised to do so on foot.
A checkpoint will be erected on Saturday, March 15 -- location undisclosed -- prior to "roving DUI saturation patrols" coursing through the city on Monday, March 17, the actual day of the event.
National Highway Traffic and Safety Administration statistics from 2007 to 2011 indicate 269 people have been "senselessly killed" in drunk-driving crashes on St. Patrick's Day.
There is a great deal of senseless death and misery to be gleaned from the rich history of Ireland. But it's best to leave that discussion for another time.
This is the best advice you'll ever get: Be smart, not dumb. See everyone on Tuesday.