We thought we'd heard every crazy excuse for why the gays and their fancy CB2 wedding registries are destroying heterosexual marriages and the fabric of society and whatnot -- in fact, one time, a relative insisted we turned gay due to the water supply. But a post-graduate student at the University of Lagos in Nigeria takes the cake with his new "theory" of why gay marriage is wrong.
According to Nigerian news site This Day Live, Chemical Engineering student Chibuihem Amalaha concluded that gay marriage was "wrong" because of magnets.
From his interview with This Day Live, Mr. Amalaha explains how he used physics to come to this conclusion:
A bar magnet is a horizontal magnet that has the North Pole and the South Pole and when you bring two bar magnets and you bring the North Pole together you find that the two North Poles will not attract. They will repel, that is, they will push away themselves showing that a man should not attract a man.
Yes, and the reason we love napping so much is because of gravity.
If that's not enough to convince you, he also cites "biology" (the mating habits of lions and hens), "chemistry" (pouring acid on acid doesn't produce a reaction), and basic addition as further evidence for the wrongness of gay marriage.
His motivations, unsurprisingly, are less than scientific:
"In recent time I found that gay marriage, which is homosexuality and lesbianism, is eating deep into the fabric of our human nature all over the world and this was why nations of Sodom and Gomora were destroyed by God because they were into gay practice."
Amalaha is so convinced of his theories that he believes he will win a Nobel Prize and that "by the grace of God I am the only one that has proved this in the whole world."
While it's easy to laugh off a theory this ridiculous and uninformed, Amalaha's work has been praised by the university and will likely have negative repercussions for gays in Nigeria, where homosexuality is already severely criminalized. According to the Human Rights Watch, Nigeria's federal criminal code punishes consensual homosexual conduct with up to 14 years in prison. Additionally, in states that apply Sharia law, consensual gay acts among men are punishable by death (stoning), and by flogging and six months in prison for women.
Now if you'll excuse us, we're on hold with the Nobel committee for our groundbreaking work on how putting Nutella on sandwiches makes everything better.
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