Today is Female Condom Day, where women and gay men -- or any closeted Republican who likes anal sex -- are being asked to pay respect and attention to the condom just as they would a sucker on National Lollipop Day.
That means you should definitely have a quickie today -- you deserve it.
It's the first year the entire world has declared Global Female Condom Day -- but it is necessary, considering how underutilized the female condom has become, according to the San Francisco Department of Health.
Currently, female condoms only comprise 1.6 percent of the total condom distribution worldwide. Maybe that's because the term "female condom" is throwing off the health community's main target: gay men.
Because San Francisco is home to a plethora of ever-evolving sexual identities, the Health Department is expanding its access to the new and improved Female Condom for men, women, gay men, and other men who have sex with men (you know who you are!).
These condoms are worth learning to use. Not only do they "warm up the body" and "hit the spot," but most importantly, they supposedly offer greater ability to protect all of you from STDs; it's the only "receptive partner-initiated, physical barrier method
available in the US that protects against HIV/STDs and pregnancy."
And let us remind you that San Francisco is a hotbed of STDs -- and sluts.
Remember the not-so-sexy Valentine's Day campaign the Health Department kicked off last year, called "FC2 -- Get Turned on to It."
If you are still confused about how gay men are supposed to use female condoms, watch this high-tech demo:
So there you have it -- now go get laid.
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