Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Monday, August 27, 2012

Texans Can Relax, Civil War Part Deux Averted

Posted By on Mon, Aug 27, 2012 at 1:53 PM

... or their cowboy boots
  • ... or their cowboy boots

If you thought that Texas judge was off his rocker when he warned of an pending civil war should President Obama be reelected, well you aren't alone.

Apparently, the United Nations thinks the judge is kinda nuts, too.

As readers might recall, last week Lubbock County Judge Tom Head went public with his paranoia over President Obama, claiming that the citizens of Texas needed to raise their own taxes to prepare for civil war in the event that Obama wins another four years.

To quote the tough-talking judge:

"[Obama]'s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of

the United States to the U.N., and what is going to happen when that

happens ... I'm thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil

disobedience, civil war maybe. And we're not just talking a few riots

here and demonstrations, we're talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms

and get rid of the guy."

But on Friday, the United Nations responded to Head's nonsense, claiming the notion that the very busy U.N. would invade Texas is "absolutely ridiculous," although we're sure it's tempting.

Martin Nesirky, spokesman for U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon told Reuters that "No one, not even the United

Nations, would ever mess with Texas."

Head had been pushing West Texas voters to support a 1.7 percent tax increase, which would help pay for seven more sheriff's deputies to fend off the United Nations in the event of the Civil War part deux. "I

don't want 'em in Lubbock County, okay?," Head asserted. "So I'm going to

stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say 'you're not

coming in here. And the sheriff, I've already asked him, I

said, 'You gonna back me?' He said, 'Yeah, I'll back you.' Well, I don't

want a bunch of rookies back there. I want trained, equipped, seasoned

veteran officers to back me."

Turns out, voters don't have to worry about paying taxes or another Civil War. That's really good news, because if Texas had become independent again, you can bet your steel-toe boots that it would be three years or less before it'd become the United Republic of Mexican Drug Cartels.

Follow us on Twitter at @TheSnitchSF and @SFWeekly

  • Pin It

Tags: , , , ,

About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook


  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"