The most interesting time to listen to talk radio is a day with fresh news, because it demands actual thinking from hosts who usually just spend hours each week spewing forth librul-hatin' nonsense as canned and same-y as soft-serve coming from a spigot. That's why SF Weekly spent a chunk of this morning listening to "recovering congressman" JD Hayworth's KSFO show.
What we found was bot surprising and not. At 9:08 a.m., Hayworth spoke tenderly about Breitbart, but then announced that he wouldn't deal with the conservative titan's tragic and sudden death until 10:30. Then, for the half hour of actual talk that KSFO allows between commercials, Hayworth spent the next 90 minutes resorting to the canned: Complaints about President Obama's apology to Afghanistan, praising Newt Gingrich, and pronouncing Piers Morgan's name in a fake-British accent.
As always, after telling listeners how upset to be about this segment's topic, Hayworth asked listeners to call and express how upset they are. They obliged, confirming once again that callers to talk radio are like baby birds puking the food back into the mouth of the mama bird that puked it into theirs.
One notable exception: The innovative caller who suggested, at 10:25 or thereabouts, that Afghanistan should give us $10 million worth of oil for every American soldier killed. LET'S JUST CONVERT AMERICA'S POOR TO GAS ALREADY.
By the 10:30 segment Hayworth and his producer(s?) had figured out how to handle today's sad news: By giving a microphone to a producer who had met Breitbart once.
Here, then, are highlights from the 10:30 segment:
10:38: J.D. Hayworth says that he has long used Breitbart's websites as show-prep. He reads heartfelt goodbyes to Breitbart from BigGovernment.com, and he points out that Larry Solov's phrase -- "the happy conservative warrior" -- is indebted to a popular description of Hubert Humphrey.
10:40: Producer Matthew Whose Last Name I Didn't Catch tells a story about Breitbart speaking to the California Young Republicans last August. The night Breitbart arrived in town, he went to a reception instead of retreating to his hotel and regaled everyone with stories of how "progressivism in San Francisco has ruined this wonderful town."
10:44: Producer Matthew mentions that Breitbart was a fan of a local Neil Diamond cover band. Then, commercials: BUY GOLD!
10:48: Hayworth denounces as "sick and bitter" the liberals who have "publicly celebrated the death of a husband and father who happens to be a conservative activist." Hayworth neglects to mention Breitbart's Tweet after Ted Kennedy's death.
10:49: A liberal caller ruins Hayworth's thesis by pointing out that most liberals aren't happy about this death, even promising to remember to keep Breitbart in his prayers. The liberal than talks about "offering a hand" and trying to encourage Congress to work together. He even says that we "as a nation" need to "heal and grow together."
10:51: Hayworth agrees that we need honesty in political debate ... in a segment eulogizing Andrew Breitbart.
10:52: Hayworth then denounces liberal pundits' early insistence that the Gabby Giffords shooting had to be perpetrated by a right-winger.
10:54: A new caller discusses the "vileness" and "moral bankruptcy" of the left. Hayworth points out, again, that not all liberals are doing this.
Conclusion: Although he obsessionally takes pains to hide it, J.D. Hayworth is kind of a reasonable guy who understands nuance, which is what his preferred candidate, Newt Gingrich, is actually running against. At 11:09, Hayworth was right back to hashing over yesterday's presidential campaign news and complaining that Chris Matthews likes Obama too much, so we went back to listening to James Brown on Spotify to avoid more more soft-serve baby-bird puke.
We're sorry for your loss, conservatives! Please remember how respectful most of us were today when Michael Moore chokes on a hoagie.