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Thursday, August 11, 2011

What Is James Franco Having Sex With?

Posted By on Thu, Aug 11, 2011 at 2:59 PM

James Franco, newsmaker - JIM HERD

Boy are we glad we read the paper today! In Thursday's Examiner newsmakers section, enigmatic James Franco is revealed as having produced subpar amateur porn in his younger days -- a bad decision that preceded his bad decision to host the Oscars in a glazed monotone.

Considering the story was about porn and James Franco, it's unfortunate that it ended the way it did -- or rather did not. The last line of the blurb is as follows:

But now Franco wants to show the rest of the world how difficult it is to make sex on tape sexy ... he's making a documentary with a certain San Francisco

Really, that's how it ends -- this article fails to climax. Thus the question is prompted: Franco is making a sex documentary with a San Francisco what? Here's what we'd pay to see:

click to enlarge JIM HERD

"A certain San Francisco bridge."

Well, this would certainly be a more jolly documentary than the last one

click to enlarge JIM HERD

"A certain San Francisco treat."

Just like the package says -- "90 seconds in the pouch." Sexy.  

click to enlarge JONATHAN KAUFFMAN
  • Jonathan Kauffman

"A certain San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency."

Wouldn't be the worst thing we saw on the bus. Step down!

click to enlarge JONATHAN KAUFFMAN
  • Jonathan Kauffman

"A certain San Francisco burrito."

In San Diego, where burritos have neither beans nor rice, this could be dangerous. Less so here.  

Finally, the answer: Franco is all but certainly leaving the on-screen coitus to the professionals and directing a documentary about a yet-unnamed San Francisco porn company (though it's all but certainly

Hopefully he manages to emerge from his glazed monotone.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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