The revelation that our erstwhile governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, fathered a love child came as a shock. But not a surprise. After all, this is the man who, describing the joys of pumping iron, told a documentary film crew the following:
It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven.
What's surprising is that there aren't a legion of little gap-toothed, muscle-bound half-Austrians running around California. Or are there? In any event, culling from Schwarzenegger's cinematic masterworks, here is what he may have said as he fathered his love child: