Four years ago, just one of Barry Bonds' balls sold for $752,467. Well that was then and this is now.
These days, the focus is on both of Bonds' balls -- and their diminished state. Exhibits Nos. 1 and 2 at the Bonds perjury trial will be the slugger's depleted testicles, an indicator that he pumped more than Gatorade and flaxseed oil into his body to induce a power-hitting renaissance at age 35. Incidentally, testimony regarding testicles will mark a long, etymological loop, as the term "testimony" is purportedly derived from the ancient rite of clasping one's scrotum while swearing an oath. But we digress.
The variant sizes of Bonds' hands, feet, head, and balls will be the evidence the government, after a two-year sojourn, will apparently employ in its attempt to nail the home-run king for perjury. Will discussion of Bonds' naughty bits outweigh the fact that, when he last testified in 2003, "The Clear" he was accused of taking was not considered a steroid -- or even illegal? Is this a desperate attempt to salvage a lengthy, expensive prosecution, or simply an opportunity to vengefully drag Bonds through the muck? University of San Francisco law professor Bob Talbot says everything is in play.
Talbot -- who previously chatted with SF Weekly regarding the Grizzly Bear Grotto and SpiderDan cases -- says there are three ways to approach the forthcoming trial.
"One is, so much time and energy has been put into this case and the prosecutors sincerely believe he did lie about taking performance-enhancing drugs," he says. "Another way to look at it is, from the point of view of the system, the rule of law depends on people telling the truth in court. Judges are very serious about that. And another way to see it is what a crazy waste of time and money this is -- a trial where one of the issues is Barry Bonds' testicles."