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Friday, February 4, 2011

It's Your Super Bowl Drinking Game

Posted By on Fri, Feb 4, 2011 at 3:02 PM

click to enlarge nfl.super_bowl_xlv.mini_helmet_0001_thumb_250x215.jpg
America's national excuse for going on a bender the night before a new workweek is upon us. Super Bowl Sunday is nigh, and if you needed a more organized drinking regimen than "imbibe when your team wins, loses, or draws" then you've come to the right place.

SMALL SIPS

  • Mentions of: Vince Lombardi; cheese; Troy Polomalu's hair; Maurkice Pouncey's ankle; "Big Ben"; the "Steel Curtain"; grainy clips of Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Lynn Swann, Bart Starr, Brett Favre, and, of course, Max McGee

  • Announcer uses iteration of statement "Big players make big plays in big games"

  • Super Bowl commercial employs scatological humor

  • Announcer or coach uses term "football" when "ball" -- or nothing -- would do just as well (examples: "He's got to catch the football there" or "This is a great football team.")

  • Athlete says "It is what it is" 

click to enlarge Mad Max is the man
  • Mad Max is the man

MEDIUM SIPS



  • Aerial shots of closed dome in lovely Arlington, Texas

  • Cheeseheads!

  • Announcer or coach uses term "warrior"

  • A Lambeau Leap!

BIG SIPS


  • Max McGee's hangover during Super Bowl I is mentioned

  • Max McGee's death by falling off of a roof is mentioned

  • Athlete mentions Jesus Christ

  • Jesus Christ mentions athlete

click to enlarge ...With Leon Lett as 'The Idiot'
  • ...With Leon Lett as 'The Idiot'
B.J. RAJI-SIZED SIPS

  • Announcer references Dostoevsky

  • Mention is made of a player being respected by his teammates because of his oversize genitalia

  • Dropkick is attempted

  • Dropkick is attempted by player with oversize genitalia in manner eerily similar to passage from Crime and Punishment

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

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