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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Trent Baalke Is 49ers' GM. Quelle Surprise!

Posted By on Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM

click to enlarge Huh. Didn't see that coming.
  • Huh. Didn't see that coming.

Yesterday, the San Francisco 49ers concluded their comprehensive search for a new general manager without leaving the training facility. In-house favorite Trent Baalke was hired to fill the vacant position -- a move only slightly less predictable than the plotline of a Popeye cartoon.

What other amazing developments are pending in 49erland?

  • Team retains red and gold as uniform colors

  • Players, coaches continue to credit supreme being for their workplace success

  • Players, coaches mention team's "great tradition"

  • Cheerleaders wear short skirts, tall boots

  • click to enlarge Nostalgia...
    • Nostalgia...
    Team continues to endeavor to score more points than its opponents and, thus, win

  • Niners play home contests in lovable old shithole Candlestick Park

  • The team's nickname, 49ers, will still be a reference to Gold Rush times

  • The ball the team plays with continues to be longer than it is wide

  • Touchdowns remain seven points. Field goals are three. Safeties are two. How many points is a drop-kick?

  • Team continues to stink

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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