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Monday, December 27, 2010

Santa Beats Yacht Club Robbery Rap

Posted By on Mon, Dec 27, 2010 at 12:00 AM

click to enlarge We knew you didn't exist
  • We knew you didn't exist

Readers may recall an eye-catching story we had earlier about jolly old St. Nick himself knocking over the East Providence Yacht Club in Rhode Island. This, we postulated, was reason enough to award the America's Cup to San Francisco and not Newport. Kris Kringle may tell you an off-color joke in San Francisco -- but that beats brandishing a firearm and robbing a yacht club.

Sadly for San Francisco's America's Cup chances, the story of the very bad Santa robbing the yacht club bar turned out to be a hoax.

Bartender Christal Johnson has admitted what we knew all along -- there is no Santa Claus. She made up the story about a red-suited bandit. Perhaps $3,000 remains missing from the till of the club's bar and Johnson is under suspicion of being very naughty indeed.

In a truly inspired burst of humor, Sergeant Bruce Atwell of the East Providence Police Department told media he was pleased Santa could make his rounds without being hassled by police.

Felonious Santas, it seems, also won't be a factor in citing the America's Cup -- which is ostensibly due to be decided by year's end.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.


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