This is a real longshot -- and it's not guaranteed to work -- but we need get our hands on some mercury. Lots of it.
A flock of Ibises in Florida has been rendered homosexual after being exposed to mercury.
If John McCain and some of the other pinched senators can be exposed to enough mercury over the weekend there is a chance they could go GAY all of a sudden (like Cary Grant in Bringing Up Baby) and then, presumably, they would stop all the histrionic objections to open service by LGBT military personnel.
Then again, gay Republicans usually have to go through an extended phase of denial peppered with raucous sessions of public bathroom sex before accepting their sexual identity. So this plan may be doomed to failure.
I say we try anyway.
Today is Day Two of Senate hearings regarding a repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, the ban on open service in the military by LGBT citizens. Earlier this week the Pentagon released an internal study conducted during the past year that contends no one gives a shit about the repeal of DADT. Most of the respondents are fine with the gays ... yet there is a small group of objectors.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Admiral Mike Mullen held a press conference to discuss the findings. Both are urging the Senate to repeal the policy before the federal court forces the issue upon the
That urgency is based on the fact that this "repeal" everyone is in a tizzy over isn't exactly a repeal. If this bill passes, Congress will have handed enforcement of the policy to Gates, Mullen, and President Obama who will ultimately decide FOR REAL when the policy is to end.
If the court forces DADT to end, the military won't have this little loophole to make faggotry in the military more palatable. When asked at the press conference about the process of actually allowing gays to serve without threat of discharge Gates "refused to offer a timetable" and there was no indication that DADT repeal would happen for "months or years."
Knowing that this "repeal" would be implemented in a method not unlike the way the U.S. Supreme Court decided to end racial segregation in 1957 ("with all deliberate speed") the first day of Senate hearings indicated a strong desire to continue discriminating against LGBT citizens..
There are still too many political points to be earned by exploiting the status of queers in this country for either party to act honorably. The courts will have to force them to do it.
Kamala Says Eight Is Enough
While federal courts force some issues, one Attorney General-elect won't force another.
Her victory has made many gays happy and we may learn something early next week about the benefit of Harris' election when the Court of Appeal hears arguments on the next phase of the trial on Monday, Dec. 6.
The Yes on 8er's are already making a great impression on the 9th Circuit Court by asking one of the three randomly chosen justices to recuse himself because his wife worked for the ACLU. Judge Stephen Reinhardt quickly spurned the motion, stating that he will be "impartial" (i.e. nice try, suckers!).
In other marriage-related news: The Illinois state legislature passed Civil Union legislation this week. The Governor is expected to sign a bill that will create a separate and equal institution to recognize the filthy relationships of same-sex couples. Those relationships should not be confused with heterosexual marriages that can be dissolved repeatedly with gawd's blessing.
Illinois trivia: The state passed mini defense of marriage law in 1996 (following the lead of President Bill Cinton's federal DOMA legislation) that defined marriage as excluding same-sex couples. Illinois has not amended their constitution against recognition of same-sex couples.
Finally, the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. is hosting an exhibition that focuses on "sexual difference in the making of modern American portraiture."
Naturally, the exhibit, Hide / Seek, is making a Catholic political organization very upset. In fact, the Smithsonian has agreed to remove one piece of the exhibit -- a film by David Wojnarowicz titled Fire in My Belly -- because it depicts ants on a crucifix and other gay stuff.
A clip of the offensive film can be found on YouTube by clicking RIGHT HERE but be warned -- some images included are NSFW (which is why they are on display in a gallery. Do you work in a gallery?).
The Senate should take a break during the DADT repeal hearings today to check out the exhibit. I'm sure one of the Senators could get re-elected just by fainting in front of the picture of Ellen Degeneres.
Patrick Connors is an uppity fag with ants crawling on his crucifix.