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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

World Series Bets We'd Like to See

Posted By on Tue, Oct 26, 2010 at 1:45 PM

click to enlarge Gavin Newsom, gamblin' man
  • Gavin Newsom, gamblin' man

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and Arlington Mayor Dr. Robert Cluck have announced their good-natured wager on the pending World Series. And it's pretty unspectacular. I just read the article five minutes ago and I can't even remember all the details. That's how unspectacular. Here are some bets we'd have remembered:

  • If Texas wins, Cluck, an OB/GYN, gets to use Newsom's image on his practice's publicity materials. That's right -- the real-life version of the old Saturday Night Live skit, "Mel Gibson, Dream Gynecologist." If the Giants win, Cluck fills the city's vacant Director of Public Health position.

  • Two words: Wife-swapping

  • If Texas wins, Newsom has to wander through Arlington in full cowboy regalia greeting everyone he meets by stating "I'm Gavin Newsom and I'm a cowboy. Howdy, howdy, howdy." Should the Giants win, Cluck does the same -- through the Castro.

  • Loser gets Chris Daly

  • If Giants lose, Newsom forced to run San Francisco on Arlington's budget for a week. If Giants win, Cluck forced to listen to public commentors at Board of Supervisors meetings. But just for a day. Let's be humane.
Dr. Bob -- not the Muppet but the mayor
  • Dr. Bob -- not the Muppet but the mayor
  • Urine swap from Muni and Arlington's public transit system

  • If Giants win, Dan Noyes must interview Mayor Cluck. If Giants lose, Noyes will stay three days and two nights in Newsom's home.


  • Too simple. Both men like the gel. Loser gets a flat-top.

  • Should San Francisco win, Cluck most pose for photo-op with Nancy Pelosi. Should Rangers prevail, Newsom will take the more politically palitable path of literally eating shit.

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About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

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