Does every week feel like two weeks for everyone? Or just us? In any event, here's a roundup of news events from just this one week. Per usual, send your answers to me, here. First person to e-mail a perfect score wins a prize
. Let the games begin.
1. Who are Steven Apilado, LaRon Charles, and Jon Russ
A. The three bisexual softball players told they weren't gay enough to play in the Gay World Series
B. The three undercover cops who shot at each other in Bayview because none of them knew the others were cops
C. The three lawyers representing a man suing Froot Loops because he thought it contained fruit
D. The three police commissioners whose terms expire on April 30 -- and the city hasn't bothered to appoint anyone to succeed them
2. What excuse
did a controversial witness for the prosecution use to skip out of his testimony at a recent San Francisco DUI trial?
A. He was going to miss his favorite TV show
B. He was too drunk to make it to court
C. He shit in his pants
D. He claimed two separate men on the jury were his cousins; neither were
3. What feat of historic ineptitude
did the San Francisco Giants manage this week for the first time in the team's 52-year West Coast history?
A. They showed up at the wrong stadium for a game
B. They allowed one hit, total, and lost
C. They had two
players cross each other on the basepaths, erasing home runs
D. They committed six errors in a game
4. What did a writer for Maxim
magazine see fit to compare
San Francisco's Dynamo Dounts to?
A. Female genitalia
B. His own genitalia
C. Animal genitalia
D. Sarah Palin
5. Who did 49er Joe Nedney
outperform in a Monday field goal-kicking competition?
A. Gavin Newsom
B. Robin Williams
C. Ziggy the killer robot
D. Brad Pitt