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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The 10 Worst Fashion Trends of the Decade

Posted By on Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 9:15 AM

People made so many mistakes this decade. So many. In fact, the entire "retro" movement that defined the past ten years in fashion has been a willful refusal to learn from the fashion errors of the past, and instead recycle and exacerbate them (hippie head bands, we're talking about you). The aughts also saw a few unprecedented faux pas -- which at least deserve credit for originality --and no we're not referring to the Snuggie. (That was genius). So pay close attention when you read these top 10 worst fashion trends in order to avoid repeating them over the next decade, as well as to avoid infuriating SF Weekly managing editor and closet fashionista, Will Harper. He has enough to deal with.

10. Crocs/Uggs


Apart from the fact that Crocs and Uggs were worn by drastically different types at different times of year (dumb hot chicks wore Uggs in the winter, your mom wore Crocs in the summer), they both drastically violated a fundamental law of fashion: footwear should be markedly more painful for the wearer than the beholder.


click to enlarge fashionuggs_thumb_500x589.jpg
Photo via Malingering

click to enlarge fashioncrocs_thumb_500x375.jpg
Photo via showbizsuperstar

9. Tights as pants/skinny jeans


We understand that the economy shrunk drastically this decade. That in no way makes it okay for anybody -- celebrities included --

to wear tights as pants. (Lady Gaga is the obvious exception). That said, if you are going to wear skinny jeans as tights we'd actually prefer you wore actual tights or no pants at all. Yes, even if you're fat.


click to enlarge Russell Brand, we can see your junk. - PHOTO VIA MYFASHIONCENTS.COM
  • Photo via
  • Russell Brand, we can see your junk.

8.  Long Side Swept Bangs In Your Effin' Face


We're just gonna come out and say this: you look like a douche-pirate.  

click to enlarge fashionnopants_thumb_500x728.jpg

Photo via oursooner44

click to enlarge Pete Wentz, king of the douche pirates. - PHOTO VIA NERVE.COM
  • Photo via
  • Pete Wentz, king of the douche pirates.
Photo via
Pete Wentz, king of the douche pirates.


click to enlarge fashionsidebangs_thumb_500x375.jpg
Photo by Theogeo

7.  Beards


Beards were fine for mountain men. They were also fine for our dads and circus freaks. They are not fine, however, for young men endeavoring to express their rebellion/artistry/maniless with an ultimate goal of getting laid. We're on to you.   

click to enlarge fashionbeard_thumb_500x652.jpg
Photo by Merkley

6. Nerd glasses/Ray Bans (seriously though, WTF?)


We know that guy from Weezer did it. We know that even Justin Timberlake is now bringing sexy back to the nerd look. But at the heart of the dark and thick-framed glasses trend, there lies a fundamental question. Why do you people want to make yourselves appear less attractive? Same question goes for Ray Bans, with an addendum: Why do you people want to make yourselves appear less attractive and shockingly dumb?    


click to enlarge fashionnerdglasses2_thumb_500x404.jpg
Photo by tsondermann


5. Oversize Red Plaid Shirts (As seen in The Mission/Williamsburg/Silverlake)


Here is a good example of people not learning from the past. The very recent past! We all made the the plaid mistake in the '90s. A select few made it again in the '00s. There's a reason that red is the color of shame, folks.  


click to enlarge fashionredplaid_thumb_500x371.jpg
Via team sugar

4. The Hippie/Hipster Headband String


Aha! Another good example of a decades-old mistake resurfacing. If only we had been mimicking the hippie generation's protest movement rather than their terrible fashion sense, maybe we wouldn't have entered an entirely pointless war.  


click to enlarge fashionheadband_thumb_500x868.jpg
Photo by Watsonsinelgin

3. Skirts Over Pants


There are truly no words for how appalling this is.


click to enlarge fashionskirtoverpants_thumb_500x751.jpg
Via Celebuzz

2. Faux Hawks


Contrary to the popular (and terrible, BTW) movie, you should absolutely not bend it like Beckham. It, in this case meaning your hair.

click to enlarge screen_shot_2009_12_23_at_9.53.25_am_thumb_500x558.png
Photo via Cool Men's Hairstyles
1. Pointy-Toed Shoes


It's become a little to easy to eviscerate hipster trends (judging hipsters has become a loathsome trend of its own). So for our top worst fashion trend of the decade, we thought way back to mainstream 2001 and nearly puked when recalling these witchy abominations. The only thing these pointy-toed shoes are good for, in our opinion, is kicking other people who don't know how to dress.

click to enlarge 3958966667_b3e7fb6554_thumb_500x375.jpg
Photo via Old Shoe Woman
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Ashley Harrell


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