By now, even Bay Area readers who can't tell a football from a futbol have heard all about how Oakland Raiders head coach Tom Cable is accused of channeling Ike Turner and hospitalizing assistant coach Randy Hanson by bouncing him off the walls while bellowing "I'm going to kill you."
It's amusing to imagine the beefy Cable voicing the above lethal phrase in an orotund manner similar to Jim Morrison saying the same in "The End." It's less amusing to see how many media talking heads are using the "Who hasn't threatened to kill his subordinate while beating him in a workplace setting?" argument.
What everyone is forgetting is that coach-on-coach violence has a deep and troubling history here in the Bay Area. This is just the latest blip of an epidemic:
1988: 49ers coach Bill Walsh hurls a decanter of '59 Côte du Rhône Rouge at quarterback coach Mike Holmgren and utters "I could give you such a blow to the backside!" in a dispute over the deeper meanings of Roman Polanski's Repulsion.
1986: San Francisco Giants manager Roger Craig fires a split-fingered fastball at the midsection of coach Norm Sherry after the latter questioned the wisdom of Craig ordering his 27th consecutive unsuccessful suicide squeeze. In a grim harbinger of the future of his entire pitching staff, Craig wrenches his arm tossing the pitch.
1980: Oakland Raiders coach Tom Flores hurls several of his assistants -- and himself -- clear through a wall. When asked what the issue was, Flores simply notes that he saw his predecessor John Madden doing the same for a Miller Lite commercial and it looked like fun.
1978: San Francisco 49ers head coach Pete McCulley is fired and replaced by Fred O'Connor after the former is accused of beating the latter silly following the team's eighth loss in nine games. McCully pleads his innocence and blames the team's star running back, O.J. Simpson, for the attack. No one believes him as O.J. is just such a nice guy.
1974: Oakland A's manager Al Dark used "designated runner" Herb Washington as a cudgel to assault coaches Jerry Adair, Bobby Hoffman, and Wes Stock for convincing him the concept of a "designated runner" wasn't totally fucking insane.
1949: San Francisco Seals manager Lefty O'Doul tosses his entire coaching staff and several members of his immediate family through plate-glass windows and dances upon their prone bodies while wearing his baseball spikes -- because that's the kind of thing hard-drinking ex-ballplayers did back then on a Tuesday.
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