"Developed with morning flavors, the beverage helps morning exercisers
to 'Shine On' during their workouts and will contain an excellent
source (20 percent daily value) of vitamin C to help active people as
they attack their day."
Where to begin? First off, with this
glorified hangover relief product, the notion of "morning flavors"
conjures up the signature day-after trifecta of halitosis, beer breath,
and the aftereffects of that cigar you thought it'd be cool to smoke. (for the
record, the product comes in "orange strawberry" and "tropical mango"
-- surely the pillars of any American morning). As for the vitamin C, you could get four times that amount in a simple glass of orange or apple juice -- or match it with one big carrot. But, then, that's not urban.
Across the board, Gatorade's new varieties now have vitamins and antioxidants pumped into them. This is clearly a shot across the bow of the VitaminWater people -- who, like Gatorade, have made their millions making water taste good and convincing people to pay to drink what the taps disperse for free. It warrants mentioning that the second ingredient in Gatorade is still high-fructose corn syrup. In fact, a quart bottle of the stuff provides one-fifth of your daily sugar and sodium. That's not a problem if you're a high-caliber athlete running like hell and sweating commensurately. But for most of the folks traipsing through supermarket aisles and buying 200-calorie bottles of Gatorade, it is. That's why low-calorie G2 -- Gatorade for people who really have no business drinking Gatorade -- now has the vitamins you could get in, say, a handful of fruit.
One thing that hasn't changed, however, is the double-entendre that is the shape of Gatorade bottles. Click here. What do you see? Here's a hint: It's not Coit Tower.