tomorrow off -- or if you just want to play hooky from work and watch
all the speechifying -- you can hit up these spots, locally, or these. And while, to our knowledge, the only acceptable Bay Area days to booze it up in the a.m. are Purim, Big Game day, and the odd Irish wake, who can resist the notion of an inaugural drinking game?
So, my fellow Americans, the Obama Inaugural drinking game:
Take a small sip of whatever you've got if:
Obama mentions his wife or family by first name;
He mentions Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, or Harry Reid;
He mentions Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, or his own numerous Kenyan relatives;
"Hope" or "Change" is uttered;
He talks about puppies.
Take a moderate sip, if:
He mentions John McCain or Sarah Palin (or winks);
He mentions some random American from a swing state who's up shit creek health- and economics-wise;
He uses the terms "crisis," "meltdown," "Depression," or "Ponzi";
Drink liberally, if:
He connects the departure of George W. Bush with the most well-known term from his home state: "Aloha";
"Allow me to express my feelings with this brief interlude of interpretive dance";
He quotes Dick Cheney;
He quotes Cheney and follows it up by clutching his heart and shouting "Here I come, 'Lizbeth! It's the big one!"
Go on a rampage, if:
Profanity is uttered;
Obama has the Rev. Rick Warren finish the speech for him in an act of bipartisanship;
He mentions that betting a dollar in Vegas that a black man would be sworn in as president in the same year the Arizona Cardinals went to the Super Bowl would make you a millionaire many times over.