By Matt Smith
Knowing a bandwagon when he sees one, City Attorney Dennis Herrera today indirectly proclaimed SF Weekly
to be a newsprint-based All Being, All Knowing, Mistress of Sight and Sound.
In a Dec. 18 press release titled "Herrera, AGs Reach Pact with MillerCoors to Stop Producing Alcoholic Energy Drinks" the city's chief litigant made official the prescience of a 2000 SF Weekly satire column
, which facetiously predicted the introduction of an "energy beer" that would be viewed as a public menace, and run into trouble with the law. In an investigative feature this July, The Snitch
reported on a press release from California Attorney General Jerry Brown, which said this state had joined 10 others in forcing Anheuser Busch to stop selling caffeine-spiked beer, after university researches the beverage produced a dangerous "wide awake drunk" syndrome.
Herrera has chimed in with a multi-jurisdictional action of his
own, forcing off the market MillerCoors' Sparks, Sparks Plus, and
Sparks Light, which produced "'wide awake drunks' who are less aware
that they are intoxicated and more likely to endanger themselves and
others," Herrera said.
As we noted in July, Herrera,
MillerCoors, Anheuser Bush, and all the brewers'
dangerously-energetic-boozing customers, could have saved themselves
nuisance by heeding a 2000 column by SF Weekly contributors Becky Bond
and Jose Marquez. Writing under the moniker "South to the Future," they
concocted a fictional news story about how a Marin County brewer had
come up with an "energy beer." The piece satirically pointed out that
marketers will do almost anything for a buck. And it underlined the
fact that public officials will do almost anything to earn attention.
Bond and Marquez' fictional article redicted that law enforcement would
crack down on the energy beer, based on laws that prohibit alcoholic
beverages from being labeled as performance enhancing.
Today, Herrera placed this fictional prediction firmly into the reality-based world, Making SF Weekly
an official, and magical predictor of earthly occurences.