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Thursday, December 18, 2008

City Attorney Joins "SF Weekly = Nostradamus" Bandwagon

Posted By on Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 12:13 PM

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By Matt Smith

Knowing a bandwagon when he sees one, City Attorney Dennis Herrera today indirectly proclaimed SF Weekly to be a newsprint-based All Being, All Knowing, Mistress of Sight and Sound.

In a Dec. 18 press release titled "Herrera, AGs Reach Pact with MillerCoors to Stop Producing Alcoholic Energy Drinks" the city's chief litigant made official the prescience of a 2000 SF Weekly satire column, which facetiously predicted the introduction of an "energy beer" that would be viewed as a public menace, and run into trouble with the law. In an investigative feature this July, The Snitch reported on a press release from California Attorney General Jerry Brown, which said this state had joined 10 others in forcing Anheuser Busch to stop selling caffeine-spiked beer, after university researches the beverage produced a dangerous "wide awake drunk" syndrome.

Herrera has chimed in with a multi-jurisdictional action of his

own, forcing off the market MillerCoors' Sparks, Sparks Plus, and

Sparks Light, which produced "'wide awake drunks' who are less aware

that they are intoxicated and more likely to endanger themselves and

others," Herrera said.

As we noted in July, Herrera,

MillerCoors, Anheuser Bush, and all the brewers'

dangerously-energetic-boozing customers, could have saved themselves

nuisance by heeding a 2000 column by SF Weekly contributors Becky Bond

and Jose Marquez. Writing under the moniker "South to the Future," they

concocted a fictional news story about how a Marin County brewer had

come up with an "energy beer." The piece satirically pointed out that

marketers will do almost anything for a buck. And it underlined the

fact that public officials will do almost anything to earn attention.

Bond and Marquez' fictional article redicted that law enforcement would

crack down on the energy beer, based on laws that prohibit alcoholic

beverages from being labeled as performance enhancing.

Today, Herrera placed this fictional prediction firmly into the reality-based world, Making SF Weekly an official, and magical predictor of earthly occurences.

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Matt Smith


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