The country is going down the tubes, what with another senseless Wall Street war, $700 billion bailouts for the well-connected and an electorate that thinks they live in a Democracy because they vote for American Idol. But none of that means you shouldn’t have a little drinking fun while watching the Vice Presidential debates tonight between running mates Sen. Joe Biden, an experienced logroller and corporate lackey and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a gun-toting mother of five, who has come out of the great Alaskan bush to run the country.
We here at the SF Weekly suggest you get rip-roaring drunk, a condition we're convinced will help you enjoy the debate while inoculating you against the absurdity. To that end, we’ve devised a little drinking game because we’re helpful...
Rules: Hard liquor shots of whiskey are a requirement unless you’re one of the six remaining communists, then you can substitute vodka. The idea is that you drink when either candidate says one of the listed words or phrases listed below. The more unexpected the word or phrase is, the more you drink so for a likely word or phrase, you drink a shot and for jackpot phrase, a triple.
1) One shot for any mention of the candidates' children.
2) One shot if the word "passport" is uttered.
3) One Shot for "executive experience."
4) One shot for every three mentions of the word “bailout.”
5) One shot for every time either candidate mentions their “working class background” or “hockey mom sensibility.”
6) One shot for every malevolent Biden smile.
7) Double when Palin pauses for three seconds or more while answering a question.
8) Double every time Biden tries to look or sound paternal.
9) Double shot every time Palin uses the same word root as a subject and a noun i.e., “Regulators were charged with regulating.”
10) Double shot if moderator Gwen Ifill asks a really tough question.
11) Double shot for the phrase "You are no John Kennedy.”
12) Double shot for either “media elites” or “gotcha.”
13) Triple shot if anyone mentions the word “moose.”
14) Triple shot if anyone says “President George W. Bush is a hero.”
15) Triple shot for any mention of “lipstick” or “pig.”
16) Triple shot if anyone mentions “third party,” “Ralph Nader,” or “Bob Barr.”
17) Triple shot if you catch Biden checking out Palin’s rack.
18) Drink from bottle if Tina Fey is mentioned or referenced.
The SF Weekly reminds you to drink like a responsible drunk.