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Friday, January 10, 2014

Craigslist Post Seeks Coachella Boyfriends: Mostly Normal, Good at Beer Pong, and No "Whiney Ass Bitch Music"

Posted By on Fri, Jan 10, 2014 at 2:01 PM

click to enlarge Pink shorts optional. - CHRISTOPHER VICTORIO
  • Christopher Victorio
  • Pink shorts optional.

Hey all you tall, normal, Coachella weekend-one-ticket-holding bros in San Francisco! Do you need a stand-in girlfriend or two for the weekend of April 11-13? Do you embrace morning day-drinking? Are over 24? Able to carry a female human on your shoulders?

Then let us draw your attention to this Craigslist post, which not-so-humbly requests "2 males interested in spending part of their Coachella experience with 2 fun-loving girls." Here are some of the specifications you must meet:

"General personality and character should be represented by approximately 30% bro (don't lie, there is a little of it in all of you -- just admit it to yourself and save us the time), 7.5% hipster/indie, 12.5% raver and 50% normal.

Coachella Boyfriends should be interested (but not limited to) seeing some of the following acts: Outkast, Adventure Club, Zedd, Fatboy Slim, Big Gigantic, Kid Cudi, Calvin Harris, Elli Goulding, Gareth Emery, Alesso, Lorde, Duck Sauce, Showtek."

Other requirements:

- 24 years or older

- 6 feet tall (willing to accept 5'11" if you are *actually* that height - no rounding up, let's be honest here)

- Know how to handle your shit (blacking out and forgetting the festival is the minor leagues buddy)

- Understands and appreciates the natural wonder that is car camping

- Embraces morning day-drinking

- Bonus for above-par beer pong skills

Oh, and "absolutely no applicants with an affinity for AFI (aka whiney ass bitch music)."

And what will you get if your picture, disposition, and musical tastes pass muster? What do the two fun-loving girls offer in exchange for you holding them on your shoulders during Zedd? What will you, mister tall, slightly ravey, beer pong-expert Coachella Boyfriend get for your efforts?

Well, huh. The post doesn't seem to say....

Update: There seem to be parodies spawning on Craiglist already. (Here's another one.)

[Craiglist]

-- @iPORT


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Ian S. Port

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