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Friday, September 27, 2013

Ke$ha Is Writing Songs About a "Shit-Filled Ballsack" of an Ex-Boyfriend, and We Can't Wait

Posted By on Fri, Sep 27, 2013 at 9:04 AM

click to enlarge kesha.jpg


We've been very vocal about our love for Ke$ha before now. Yes, yes, we know: she's a trash bag -- but girl owns it. She has zero filter, and she don't give a damn what you think anyhow. Things have been a tad quiet on the Ke$ha front lately (at least by her crazy-outspoken standards), so we were thrilled to find her mouthing off about her terrible boyfriend choices.


In a pop world where Rihanna can get punched out (and bitten!) by Chris Brown and go back to him later, and where the harshest expression of rising up out of a bad relationship is Katy Perry's lukewarm "Roar," Ke$ha just took a bad man situation and turned it into pure, unadulterated vengeance and comedy gold.

This week, she told MTV that a recent boyfriend was, "Just a lying sack of shit, balls, shit-filled ballsack, he's just a giant pair." We realize that this sentence is only just barely English, but, holy shit-filled ballsack, we freakin' love her for it. We can only hope that the dude in question saw the interview because she didn't stop there.

"I blocked him, because he was being such a fucking psychopathic piece of garbage dog shit," she said. Girl... we've all been there. And we're just happy that you have a forum to express all of this unhindered rage, so the dissed ladies of the world have a voice -- a filthy, disgusting, cuss-loving voice.



To boot, Ke$ha's rage is so all-encompassing about this situation that she has apparently focused much of her new material on said psychopath. "I wrote a song called "Fuck You," but then that title was already taken, so "U Suck Ass" is another title," she carefully articulated. "It's talking about fake orgasms every time I had sex with him, and how I pawned all the diamonds he bought me in Vegas and bought some Chanel earrings."

Note of warning to all of the shit-filled ball sacks out there: sometimes bitches be crazy enough to fake orgasms for you so you feel okay at the time, only to smack you in the ass later on and tell the world, very publicly, that you're god-awful in the sack just to poop all over your bedtime prowess and general sense of self-esteem.

When Ke$ha told MTV: "Don't fuck with me. Out of all the bitches to fuck with. I'll write a whole album and tell somebody in an interview all about you, all the fake orgasms, tiny wieners. Don't fuck with me," that slightly insane woman was not kidding. And guess what? Even the ever-vocally-embittered Taylor Swift has got nothing on this broad. (And after Ms. Swift's VMAs "Shut the fuck up" Harry Styles moment, that's saying something.)



So thank you, Ke$ha. Thank you again for not knowing when to be discreet. Thank you for being in a position where you can smack down on someone in as public a manner as possible for being a shithead to you. Little girls' dreams shouldn't rest on finding a Prince Charming -- they should rest on being able to call a dude out and humiliate him when he starts treating you like poop.

We look forward to Ke$ha's next album now, even more than we ordinarily would, because clearly it will be filled with a winning combination of absolute rage and tales of small penises. And really people, what's better than that? We don't advocate faking orgasms -- because everyone is a loser in that game -- but we're glad this young lady has the gonads to talk about it.

Oh. And if we're in any doubt about how wondrous this woman truly is, here is a video of her twerking against a wall in front of her mother.

-- @Raemondjjjj


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Rae Alexandra

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