By now, you've probably heard Britney Spears' new single, "Work, Bitch!". This thing is all kinds of freakin' awesome. Not only is it extraordinarily catchy, but it's tailor-made for almost anywhere anyone has to go, ever, like shopping, or work, or the gym, or the club, or -- oh, we don't know -- underground drag queen boxing matches. Lend us your ears:
There are a few things about this track that make us chuckle aloud every single time we hear it. Here are the five funniest things about "Work Bitch!":
1. The Intermittent Cockney Accent
Now, this is hilarious on a number of levels. Firstly, the accent is in no way consistent. Britters spends most of the song sounding perfectly like herself, but, for some reason, certain words here and there send her reeling headlong into Dick-Van-Dyke-in-Mary-Poppins territory. Check out the way she says "Hot", have a bit of a chuckle, then prepare yourself for the full-on descent into Dizzee Rascal-like madness that happens after she says the word "Governor"... (Sorry: "Guv-un-uh"). Cor, blimey, Brit! We suspect she listened to this other pumpin' club tune too much before she hit the studio:
2. Britney Says What?!
First line: "You wanna hot body/ You wanna..." Wait, what? Boom Gotti? Punk Daddy? Boo God-y? What? What the fuck is she saying? It took three listens to decipher the word Bugatti. We felt dumb once we realized, but clearly, we're not the only people having difficulties with this...
3. It Sounds Like RuPaul Wrote It
Remember that thing we said two minutes ago about drag queen boxing matches? We said that because it is almost entirely impossible to listen to "Work Bitch!" without thinking of RuPaul's "Supermodel (You Better Work)". The attitude is the same, both have kicking dance beats, and both are going to live on in gay clubs until the end of time.
4. Britney Spears Is Telling YOU to Work
Britney Spears has been famous and mega-rich since she was a child. She's never worked a minimum wage job in her life, she's never trawled Craigslist's Part-Time section, she's never had to go to a job interview or make a resume, and she is genetically blessed with a dancer's body. So there is something moderately hilarious about Ms. Spears telling us all we're not working hard enough. We understand that touring and dancing are exhausting endeavors, but, c'mon now... It ain't like she's ever been down a mine.
5. People Thought Britney's Career Was Over
Britney fans the world over keep getting to point at her harshest critics and laugh like Nelson from the Simpsons, as Britney makes comeback after comeback after comeback. Bitch can shave her head, attack other humans with umbrellas, have complete nervous breakdowns, make Kevin Federline look like a good dude, show the press her vagina by accident, fail at being an X Factor judge, release a terrible song for that Smurfs movie, and still -- still! -- she can come back with a killer single that makes all that other shit entirely irrelevant. We don't know how does she keeps doing this, but it's definitely gloat-worthy.