Remember when Avril Lavigne first emerged, fresh from a Hot Topic sale, riding on the handlebars of a BMX and singing about skater boys? Sorry -- "Sk8tr Boi"s? Frankly, that video was so contrived and stupid we remain deeply offended by it, even a decade later. We had assumed Ms. Lavigne would be incapable of ever coming up with anything quite that aggravating ever again, but -- guess what, kids? -- she's finally managed to one-up herself on the awful scale, thanks to her new video for the ironically-titled "Rock N Roll".
Literally everything about this song and video is wrong. Just... wrong.
So what are the very worst things about "Rock N Roll"? Here's our list:
1. The most brazen and sickly product placement in the history of music video. "Oh! My new Sony phone is ringing!" Cue viewer vomit.
2. "I don't care about my makeup" is a line that only works if you don't have a full face of slap that clearly took a professional two hours to apply. Also: terrible opening line for a song.
3. Billy Zane = Completely ruined forever.
4. "I don't care if I'm a misfit -- I like it better than the hipster bullshit." You've gotta be shitting me...
5. The scene where Avril stands in the path of a girl who's minding her own business, gives her judge face, then tears her clothes up with a knife for no fucking reason -- further promoting the bullying and girl-on-girl hate that Avril previously supported in the video for "Girlfriend."
6. "I ain't never gonna cover up my tattoo." It is ill-advised, at best, to brag about being tattooed, if it's "tattoo" singular.
7. When Avril Lavigne tries to be Ke$ha and talks about getting "wasted," she not only lacks conviction, but also makes wacky drinking and driving jokes that are in shamefully poor taste.
8. Gratuitous girls-on-girl make-out scene. Yawn.
9. The parody of Slash's guitar solo scene from Guns N' Roses' "November Rain" video. Dream on, Lavigne.
10. The entire premise that this song is even vaguely rock 'n' roll.