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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Are Rubber Hand Bras a Thing Now? And 14 Other Questions Raised by Lady Gaga's "Applause" Video

Posted By on Wed, Aug 21, 2013 at 8:48 AM

click to enlarge applause.jpg

She lives for the applause, applause, applause, she lives for the applause-plause -- this much we understand about Lady Gaga. What we don't understand is what the b'Jesus is going on in the video for her new single. This hyper-weird enigma of a clip raises more questions than it answers, so let's take a look and dissect this, one wringer at a time...

0:09: Gaga writhes around on a bare mattress in her undies. Is this what she looked like when she was performing with Lady Starlight in all those dingy New York dives before the big-time beckoned? (We hope so... Bitch is smokin'.)

0:15: Is Lady Gaga a rabbit in a hat?

0:22: Is Lady Gaga wearing the world's largest airbag?

0.25: Gaga frantically runs inside a lady-sized birdcage. The lesson here is clear: when in prison, it is always important to get your exercise, no matter how small the cell. Or something.

0:28: Lady Gaga is in a giant cauldron. Does she want you to eat her for dinner?

0:36: Is vogue-ing still a thing?

0:41: Why don't more designers use Gaga on the runway? Everyone needs to follow Thierry Mugler's example, as of now.

0:48: Victoria's Secret catwalk wings now look so lame.

0:51: Is that a suit jacket made of old man hard candy? Somebody lick it and find out please...

0:52: Horse tail?

1:13: Is this bit going to make mimes a "thing"?

1:23: Botticelli's Venus pasties. Hot or not?

1:28: Why hasn't anyone made a rubber glove hand bra until now? Genius!

1:36: Why is Gaga a black swan in a furry egg wearing Adam Ant make-up? (We really need an answer to this one.)

2:34: Kate Bush in "Babooshka"? Is that really you? And if so, why do you have a gigantic joint full of flowers with you?

2:57: Wait. Are you allowed to wear strap-ons in pop videos now?

3:02: Dude. Why is Beyonce so angry?

3:20: How do crotch pasties made of seashells stay on? (Please don't say super-glue.)

-- @Raemondjjjj

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