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Friday, August 2, 2013

Drake, 2 Chainz, and Big Sean Worship at the Altar of Stupidity on "All Me"

Posted By on Fri, Aug 2, 2013 at 9:15 AM

click to enlarge drake_all_me.jpg

Ever wonder why some of the young kids you see yelling at each other

on Muni seem to be getting more abusive, more cocksure, and more

idiotic? We have. We've given this a lot of thought actually, and we've concluded that, while all

the old reasons (parents, schools, an urban environment) are

still relevant, some new factors really aren't helping matters.

In one corner, we've got unfettered access to unfiltered material online, as well as a wealth of hideous reality television characters telling kids they don't have to be smart or talented to get famous and/or successful. In the other corner, we have that special section of modern pop music that serves only to promote and maintain a culture of stupidity, consumerism, and sexism.

Take, for example, "All Me" -- the brand new single from Drake, Big Sean, and 2 Chainz. This entire thing sounds like a competition titled "Dumb, Dumber and Dumberer," where the

three of them just try to out-stupid each other over and over again.

Try and get through this without your IQ dropping:

"All Me" is the pinnacle of an entire musical subgenre that tells kids that the best (and quickest) way to be successful in this country is to act like the biggest moron.

The message of "All Me" can be summarized thusly:
1. The more of an egotistical dick you are, the cooler you are.
2. The more of a sexist fucking asshole you are, the cooler you are.
3. The more you brag about childish bullshit that no one cares about, the cooler you are.
4. You owe the rest of the world absolutely nothing (humility is for suckers).
5. The more you talk about money, the more important you are.

The song starts with the line "I got everything, I got everything," which is basically just a shit extension of "Started from the bottom now we here" (which was also a terrible fucking song, by the way). Drake has made this point a million times already: he was poor, now he's rich. Well done. Now, does he have anything else to say? Anything at all? Because if the world has to listen to bragging like this, from a single individual, on such a frequent basis, you'd think he'd have the decency to at least give kids some pointers on how he did it.

Wouldn't it benefit struggling teens to have some clue about how this magic, single-handed path to success was forged? Sure it would! But instead, after Drake spends the start of this track bragging aimlessly about how he has so much money and how he doesn't even know how much money he has, the most interesting thing he can think of to talk about is the fact that he had sex with his baby-sitter once. (Which means he had zero skills and a creepy pre-pubescent penis at the time, which frankly, is a mental image nobody needs.) 

click to enlarge 2chainz.jpg

2 Chainz and Big Sean don't up the bar, either. 2 Chainz talks about having "bitches" in his "condo," as well as "a dick so hard it makes metal detectors go off" (which is actually unintentionally hilarious), then Big Sean talks about having a "Benz full" of "sexy ladies." Yawn. At least BS makes a condom reference -- that's something in the midst of all this pointless nonsense. Then Drake twaddles on about money and weed and sex some more. Bigger yawn.

We can't help but wonder if these dudes are even vaguely aware of the fact that they sound like total fucking imbeciles. If the most valuable advice you can muster in song form, for your young fans, is: "Keep a bra on the floor, year round," you frankly don't deserve a music career.

We're not saying that we need rappers to start writing songs with zero cursing and messages about staying in school, but, Christ on a bike, say something -- anything! Show us that there are a few braincells knocking around in those massive heads! The bitches, money, weed shit is so fucking played out at this point, the people still writing songs about them should be embarrassed about their own lack of innovation.

There's a line at the end of "All Me" about Drake's father being in jail. Why doesn't he write an entire song about that? It might actually help someone, rather than just making poor kids feel bad about their own lives and all of the things they don't have.

This moronic trend has to hit a wall at some point. It has to! Because every time someone listens to a Drake song (or a L'il Wayne

song, or a Yo Gotti song, etc.), the world gets 0.001% less

intelligent. The sooner we can crash into that brick wall -- preferably in "a Benz" -- and eradicate music this empty-headed, the better.

-- @Raemondjjjj

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