Every week, we search high and low, all over the Internet, to find the worst new song of the week. This week, we took kind of a long time figuring shit out. Our original choice was a track called "The Ghetto is Tryna Kill Me" by The White Mandigos -- which you should all go listen to -- it's an awkward, self-conscious, nonsensical combination of reggae, metal and hardcore. People will be nice about it because Darryl Jenifer from Bad Brains is in the band, but the song is fucking terrible. So what could possibly be worse than that mess of a mash-up?
Seems pretty innocuous on first viewing, right? It basically is. But the thing that fucking killed us about was that on first hearing it, we had to hit Google to make sure it was new, because we were 99 percent convinced that this was an old song. We were so completely sure we'd heard it hundreds of times before, we hit IMDB to see if it was on a soundtrack to something we'd watched, just to double check. It wasn't -- it's just a song that sounds like 70 other songs.
What the IMDB search did yield though, was the fact that this quartet has a documentary coming out this month, titled (of course) Mindless Behavior. Turns out, the band has been around for five years and has quite the teen following. The description accompanying this movie listing claims that the boy-band is a "movement" and has already "risen to super-stardom."
We can't help but feel like the movie is coming out in a last-minute panic to get the boys' profile up to One Direction level while the world is in a particularly boy-band-friendly state. We also can't help but be cynical about the fact that this single is titled "All Around The World" -- like the already-popular Justin Bieber track that teenage girls type into Google all the time. What a terribly convenient way for Mindless Behavior to find new fans in the correct demographic.
We're sure that Mindless Behavior work very hard and all that, but it's difficult to let unoriginal, AutoTune-d, generic dance-beat nonsense slide at the best of times. It's even harder when the people performing it have names like Prodigy, Princeton, Ray Ray, and Roc Royal, and they're prancing around pouting and wearing large sunglasses like they're not mid-pubescence. Why form a boy-band full of children if you're going to put them in suits and try and make them look 20 years old? It makes zero sense.
Somewhere in music factory land, there are people writing the same song over and over again and giving it to a variety of different artists to see who can make it popular. Mindless Behavior might actually be the ones to do it this time -- but that doesn't make the music any less soulless and stupid.