Before we play you the new Strokes single, "One Way Trigger," we feel like we should warm you up a little bit. We don't want to rush this. We want to get you in just the right mood. So, before we get to the main event, we're going to play you a little something that's in the same vein. This was the first song we thought of when we heard "One Way Trigger," so it should set the tone perfectly. Ready? Here we go:
Sadly for us though, "One Way Trigger" lacks the finesse, the class and -- yeah, we'll say it -- the emotional depth of 1985 A-Ha classic "Take On Me". Nope, "One Way Trigger" takes the snazzy electro part from "Take On Me" and ups it in the crazy stakes, to the degree that it ends up almost being a Nintendo soundtrack from the mid-1990s (wassup, Donkey Kong!) Don't believe us? Check this out:
Our first response to "One Way Trigger" was to scream "Is this some kind of fucking joke?!" before irrationally slapping the nearest laptop closed, throwing it forcefully against a wall, and then closed-fist punching what was left of it until we developed a repetitive strain injury.
Why the hell do Julian Casablancas' vocals sound like his balls are in a vice for half the song? Is it an accident? An experiment? If it was this hard up for material, why didn't the band just steal a Tom Petty song? I worked pretty well at the start of The Strokes' career.
In all seriousness though, we've known for a long time that the band's output was never going to top 2001's (obviously great) Is This It?. We just didn't expect it to plummet these depths either. Time for a break-up? Possibly. We won't know how consistently awful The Strokes are anymore until they release their next album in March. If it's 10 songs of this nonsense, we are most definitely out.