Having already tainted pop radio, S.F. Giants games, wine, and nearly every rock club in San Francisco, Train is now out to impress the icky stamp of its exhausted cliches and limp-dicked rhymes on another seemingly un-ruinable thing: chocolate.
The band will appear on the Today Show tomorrow to announce its new partnership with S.F. chocolate-maker Ghirardelli -- and, no doubt, to get Ann Curry and the housemoms who still watch the Today Show a little hotter than the usual Friday a.m.
How did the band manage to lay its stinky brand on another sweet space? Turns out -- although we thought he wasn't human -- Train singer Patrick Moynahan likes chocolate. "After expressing his dream of a specialty chocolate with the acclaimed brand, Ghirardelli reached out to him and the "Save Me, San Francisco Chocolate" was born," chirps a press release today.
Thus we get three new flavors of Ghirardelli: Chest hair, desperation, and Viagra.
Okay so that's not actually what they're called. But don't these descriptions of the new Train-branded Ghirardelli flavors seem unduly, uh, suggestive, for a band whose frontman embodies a certain smarminess? Emphasis ours:
Dark Cabernet - The creamy mouthfeel of this smooth-melting dark chocolate complements the notes of ripe blackberries, finishing with the delightful essence of Cabernet Sauvignon grapes.
Sea Salt Almond - This slightly sweeter dark chocolate is blended with coarse crystals of sea salt, delivering savory peaks of saltiness. Slow-roasted almonds add a familiar nutty texture, completing the symphony of salty and sweet flavors.
72% Cacao Dark Chocolate - This slow-melting, pure dark chocolate is highly aromatic, with mocha, blackberry and dark cherry notes throughout. With 72% cacao, the intense chocolate flavor is highlighted by the silky smooth texture and creamy mouthfeel.
But while we've officially had Ghirardelli chocolate ruined for us, there may yet be one upside to the whole unholy Train-Ghirardelli alliance: All of the band's share of the sales will go to the charity Family House, which provides housing for families in which someone is seriously ill. Train is apparently out to ruin everything (next: bath soaps? toupees? a Train fragrance?), but it may yet do some good for somebody.