In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Hank Williams, Jr. -- son of the original country music godhead, former Monday Night Football house singer, and official neck-beard of Nashville -- reminds us all just how big his freedom-loving balls are. This, remember is the man whose gargantuan testicles supplied him the bravery to say -- on Fox News' notoriously off-the-cuff morning show -- that a golf game between President Obama and House Speaker John Behner would "be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu." The comment promptly ended Williams' tenure as a football announcer and incited outrage all around.
Apparently it inflated Williams' testicular temerity even more, however, because today he insists to RS's Patrick Doyle (with full crusty-old-man condescension) that President Obama "hates America," and that Hank Jr. is the only one in the country with dangling sperm engines sizeable enough to speak The Truth, buddy. What truth? These truths:
1. That Fox News twisted his Hiter/Netanyahu comment around by broadcasting it to a presumably breakfasting American viewership which promptly became outraged, thus demonstrating the absence of free speech in the U.S.
How do you think Fox twisted your words around?
Uh, number one, it's 6:30 in the morning, and you're sitting there to talk about your daddy's CD that's out. You know, come on. There, again, I think they did a great favor. If you can't make an analogy of something like that ...
Really, if you can't compare a friendly competition between the heads of two warring political parties in a semi-functioning democracy to a similar encounter between the Most Hated Man of All Time and, you know, the leader of the nation of people of which his opponent slaughtered, like, six million, on TV, without upsetting a lot of people, free speech is in trouble, cousin.
2. That Hank Williams Jr.'s outspoken balls are also titanic political assets.
If you see me campaigning, it will be for me, brother, cause I'm the only one with the balls that's going to go through with it. I had a lot to do with [Ohio Republican Governor John] Kasich in Ohio, by the way. Do your homework. No more, I ain't doing none of them.
Those sissies over at the RNC and their tiny little scrota are surely trembling now, realizing that Hank Williams Jr. and his package won't come to their aid in 2012.
3. That Obama is leading a conspiracy to deprive well-endowed Americans of their "Christian" names.
"I will keep my Christian name and you all can keep the change." What did you mean by that?
Exactly what I said, cousin.
Yeah, but when you talk about your Christian name ...
You know, we've got a President that does a call to the Koran or Mecca or whatever. That's what I meant. That's exactly what I meant. I won't be changing my name to whatever.
Glad we won't all be named "whatever," because that could get confusing. Also, Hank, do Jews and Muslims get to keep their names in this imminent dystopia?
4. Obama's hatred for America is so self-evident that how could an imbecilic whippersnapper like this Rolling Stone writer dare to even ask for a piece of evidence?
Yeah but, why do you think he hates America?
Oh, you know I don't know. I don't know about that but it's kind of obvious...
Hank goes on to say that Obama hates America because he "apologized" for it. Does Hank know what "apologize" means?
5. That the true test of a man -- evaluating both their political righteousness and, presumably, the size of their testis -- is whether Hank Williams will go duck hunting with them.
[Obama] going on a world tour saying, "We're going to be be even with everyone else, we only have 6 percent of the population." Yeah. I wouldn't be going to the duck blinds with any of those guys.
There you have it, the final truth: Anybody with whom Hank Williams Jr. would not go duck hunting is a word-twisting, America-hating, Mecca-or-Koran-calling, free-speech-squelching, over-apologizin' radical left-wing Democrat with extremely tiny balls.