Props to The Fader, which has carefully transcribed Lil B's 86-minute lecture at NYU on April 11 in order to present a full Based Scripture (you can also listen below). What an act of love and extreme patience it was to note on paper B's patented go-somewhere-else sentences, which rarely conclude neatly.
But between B's endless non-sequiturs, the announcement of a forthcoming rock album with one of the "biggest artists in the world," and the obvious amusement of the students who came to lavish ironic laughter and cooking utensils on the Young Based God ("I would have worn a suit so y'all could take me seriously," he says at one point), there were lovely and simple life lessons that deserve more than the juvenile ridicule he was met with on Wednesday night in New York. (Read the Village Voice's full account.) Of all the advice he doled out, these are our favorites:
5. "Get gold teeth! Don't be thinking so hard, like, 'Oh, man, I can't get gold teeth.'"
Banish those negative thoughts of being rejected by society and grill it up, y'all. Your future rap career will thank you.4. "Don't be hard on each other. Let your friends have fun. Work hard and do what you do, because we've only got one life to live." This feels especially pertinent in the wake of ABC canceling one of its most iconic daytime soap operas. This sounds like the theme song, actually. 3. "Real talk, everybody make sure you wear seat belts, for real." Buckle up for safety, in life and while listening to this long-ass soliloquy. 2. "Wash your hands! Wash your hands!" We expect this will be the chorus to at least one of the 227 tunes Lil B will release next week. 1. "So when you see people, forgive them and accept, you feel me? You gotta open your mind and say, man, nobody asked to be born. Life is hard, kinda." It's a miserable existence when white university students are offering up their girlfriends as sacrificial sex toys to you, isn't it, Based God? Have some sympathy, people.