Oh, the hallowed and hyped Superbowl halftime show. This Sunday, we will bear witness to the unholy alliance of Madonna, M.I.A., and Nicki Minaj performing together, which will be -- well, beyond interesting, we're not quite sure. Sometimes, though, the stars align and something truly magical happens during Superbowl halftime, like in 2007 when the heavens opened just in time for Prince to sing "Purple Rain." Or when someone had the good sense to get U2 in to handle proceedings for the first Superbowl after 9/11. But other times, they try that teeny bit too hard and shit just gets... weird. Here then, are the top five most bizarre Superbowl halftime shows.
5. Shania Twain, 2003
It's one of the most testosterone-fueled events on the American calendar. So what better way to celebrate its midpoint than with a song titled "Man! I Feel Like a Woman." I mean, what else is there to do during Superbowl halftime anyway? Comb your hair? Do a dare, maybe? Remember everyone: The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun. Even if there's a keytar involved and it's totally inappropriate for the event you're at.
4. Black Eyed Peas, Slash, and Usher, 2011
This one should be nice and fresh in your memory. You know. Last year? When one of the worst bands in the world made outfits out of those Lights Alive toys you'd get in the '80s and eschewed having crowd members next to the stage (as is tradition), in favor of bringing in teams of synchronized dancers in ridiculous outfits, thus making the whole thing look like a cross between a toothpaste commercial and a high school musical production of Tron. Why Slash had any part of this, we'll never know. Fergie wailing "Sweet Child O' Mine" is practically suicide-inducing.
3. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake, 2004
Now, we know there's been a lot of talk about the so-called "wardrobe malfunction" at the end of this, but why has no one thought to mention the fact that Janet's dancers look eerily like the cast of A Clockwork Orange after some sort of bondage shop explosion? Why, also, the entirely unnecessary costume change in the middle? Then of course, there's the whole naked boob thing. I mean, we know (from photos) that it wasn't naked -- the nipple was covered. But hey! Justin, Janet? You do know you're in a stadium right? No one could see the nipple guard from that far away! What is this, Europe? No! This is America, people! You can't just have boobs flying about the place willy nilly. (Something Madonna might want to note before Sunday rolls around).