Maybe you hate traveling. Maybe you're broke. Or maybe you're allergic to waiting in long lines under the hot sun while privileged pre-teens gyrate to David Guetta.
There are many, many good reasons not to go to Coachella this year. But even if you can't make one of the festival's two weekends (April 13-15 and 20-22), you can still catch many of its artists when they come to play shows in San Francisco. Our colleagues over at Spinning Platters coined it Fauxchella, the music festival Bay Area dwellers get to enjoy at our local clubs -- and since there are four empty days between Coachella weekends, the local lineup looks especially enticing this year.
With the pixels still fresh on the 2012 Coachella poster -- and with the festival now sold out -- we've put together this initial guide to the S.F. version. It's not complete, since many artists haven't released tour info for the spring yet (we'll be updating this post as those announcements come in). But even now, the prospect of seeing the best of Coachella for the mere cost of a cab ride is very real. Check it out:
Playing Coachella on Friday, April 13 and 20
The Black Keys: May 4 at Oracle Arena.
Arctic Monkeys: May 4 at Oracle Arena (with the Black Keys).
Mazzy Star: April 11, at the Regency.
Refused: April 18 at the Warfield (with the Hives).
M83: April 22-23 at the Fillmore (sold out).
Girls: March 1 at Cocoanut Grove in Santa Cruz.
The Rapture: April 17 at the Fox Theater (with Justice; sold out).
M. Ward: April 11 at the Fillmore.
The Horrors: April 16 and 17 at Bimbo's 365 Lounge (with the Black Angels).
Datsik: Jan. 21 at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium with Steve Aoki.
Neon Indian: April 24 at the Fillmore.
The Black Angels: April 16 and 17 at Bimbo's 365 Lounge (with the Horrors).
WU LYF: April 17 at the Independent.
Band of Skulls: April 12 at the Fillmore.
EMA: March 1 at Rickshaw Stop.
The Dear Hunter: April 18 at Bottom of the Hill.
Playing Coachella on Saturday, April 14 and 21
Radiohead: April 11 at HP Pavilion (sold out).
Miike Snow: April 12 at the Fox Theater.
Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel): April 9 and 10 at the Fox Theater.
Andrew Bird: April 13 at the Fox Theater.
fIREHOSE: April 11 at Slim's.
Godspeed You! Black Emperor: April 16-20 at Great American Music Hall.
St. Vincent: April 24 at the Fox Theater (with tUnE-yArDs).
Buzzcocks: April 20 at the Uptown Oakland.
Kaiser Chiefs: March 20 at the Fillmore.
Laura Marling: April 13 at the Fox Theater (with Andrew Bird).
tUnE-yArDs: April 24 at the Fox Theater (with St. Vincent).
The Big Pink: April 15 at Great American Music Hall.
Childish Gambino: April 19 at the Fox Theater.
Zeds Dead: April 20 at the Regency Ballroom.
Gary Clark, Jr.: Feb. 15 at Great American Music Hall.
We Are Augustines: April 12 at the Fillmore (with Band of Skulls).
Suedehead: March 10 at the Fox Theater (with Flogging Molly).
Playing Coachella on Sunday, April 15 and 22
Justice: April 17 at the Fox Theater (with the Rapture; sold out).
The Hives: April 18 at the Warfield (with Refused).
Calvin Harris: Jan. 13 at Ruby Skye.
Wild Flag: April 18 at the Fillmore.
Porter Robinson: Feb. 24 at the Fox Theater.
Gotye: April 12 at the Independent (sold out).
Fitz & the Tantrums: Jan. 26 and 27 at the Regency Ballroom.
Zedd: Jan. 27 at Estrelita Ballroom in Sacramento.
Morgan Page: Jan. 21 at Ruby Skye.
First Aid Kit: April 18 at Slim's.
Metronomy: April 12 at Slim's.
Oberhofer: Rickshaw Stop on April 11.
Housse De Racket: April 18 at the Rio Theater in Santa Cruz.
Fanfarlo: April 17 at Slim's.
Gardens & Villa: Feb. 9 at Rickshaw Stop.
Know of a Fauxchella show that's not on this list? Leave a comment or email the editor and we'll add it!