Dear Ryan Gosling,
Gosh, you're handsome. When you made that Notebook movie, we kind of dismissed you as a teen heartthrob (even though your beard was hard to resist), and left it at that. And now here you are, bombarding us with a series of top quality movies, while the world's film critics talk endlessly about the Academy Award you are bound to win -- either for The Ides Of March or Drive. We also can't help but notice that, according to IMDB.com, you have another three movies in production right now as well.
We're happy for you Ryan, really we are. But we're starting to panic a bit. It's not that we don't want you to be so massively successful in your chosen profession, it's just that two years ago, your band, Dead Man's Bones, released its debut album. And it was unlike anything we'd ever heard. We've been pretty obsessed with it ever sense, to be honest, because it's so dark and dense and beautiful and unexpected.
You and your bandmate, Zach Shields, collaborated on the album with the Silverlake Conservatory Children's Choir, which was a genius move because it really enhanced the creepy tone of the thing. It is also literally the first and only time we have ever enjoyed a children's choir, so thanks for that.
Your band swings between hokey horror imagery (and songs that are clearly inspired, at least in part, by "The Monster Mash"), to moments of real thought-provocation and reflections on the meaning of life (and, of course, death). For the record, the video for "Pa Pa Power" blew our minds. It's easy to forget that the simplest of concepts can also sometimes be the most powerful. Plus, it meant that when you broke that fight up in New York recently and everyone got excited about what a great guy you were, we just sat back and went, "Well, have you seen the end of the video for "Pa Pa Power"?! Of course he's a nice guy! Sheesh!"
So, here's where we're at, Ryan. We love you. We do. But, goddammit, it's been two years and we need another freakin' album. We've accepted that we'll probably never get to see you live, because of your ridiculous work schedule, but if you and Zach only ever make one album, you are going to be leaving the world (or at the very least, a few thousand music nerds) wanting in a way that just wouldn't be right.
We knew we were in trouble when we watched (the brutally heart-breaking) Blue Valentine and we had to rewind the scene where you were playing a ukelele and singing, while Michelle Williams tap danced in a doorway. We particularly liked that you said, right before you started the song: "I can't really sing... I have to sing goofy in order to sing. I have to sing stupid..." when it's the exact singing voice you use in Dead Man's Bones.
So don't leave us hanging like this, Ryan. This will be our third Halloween soundtracked by Dead Man's Bones and frankly, next year, if we don't have a new record to freak out trick-or-treaters with, we're not sure what we'll do. We never, ever, in a million years, thought we'd encourage an actor to make more music, but we think Dead Man's Bones is simply amazing. We'll wait one more year, but we wish we didn't have to. So, Happy Halloween, Mr. Gosling, we really do miss your stupid voice.