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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Top Five Reasons P. Diddy Is Hilarious Now

Posted By on Wed, Oct 5, 2011 at 11:43 AM


Earlier this week, Rolling Stone our colleagues at L.A. Weekly reported that an ex-LAPD detective has implicated Sean Combs in Tupac's murder. Greg Kading apparently asserts in a new book that Suge Knight and Puffy ordered the murders of Biggie Smalls and Tupac, respectively, and that he was taken off the case as he got closer to the truth. 

Shocking stuff. Not just because the case remains unsolved, not just because the murders were -- and remain -- so horrifying, not just because it seems unthinkable that East Coast/West Coast rivalries could result in such mindless violence, but also because it reminded us that -- hey, wait a minute, didn't Puff Daddy used to be a bit scary? We'd totally forgotten.

So, before we read the book and have to return to a time when Puffy seemed like a different and more terrifying human, we'd like to take a moment to acknowledge what Diddy's turned into -- which is largely really, really funny. Here, before any shit possibly hits the fan, are the top five reasons Sean Combs is now a hilarious human being.

5. Ciroc Smooth Talk with Diddy

Yeah, he used to be a tough guy, but now he's scared of ladies with big feet! He just said so! If you didn't laugh at that clip, you have no sense of humor: fact.

4. He Got J-Lo To Dress Like This

click to enlarge jlo_and_puff_daddy.jpg

Look, as much as she'll assert all day long that she's "just Jenny from the block," she isn't, okay? She's an ultra-rich, multi-talented, super-smart, and extremely classy lady. So when Jennifer Lopez showed up with Puffy at the 2001 VMAs dressed like she'd found her outfit in a dollar store in South Central one hour in advance, we couldn't help but think Puffy was to blame. It's like he was gazing into the camera and telling us with his eyes, "I make classy bitches think skeezy gang ho is cool, yo. Let's do this." It was funny at the time, but now -- given how high-class J-Lo is these days (minus the car commercials, of course) -- it's downright hilarious.

3. The Stupid Name Thing

click to enlarge puffy.jpg
Most of the time, when people change their name, it's to make themselves sound cooler or, at the very least, more of a grown up. For years now, Sean Combs has been mocking us all with a series of monikers that have gotten progressively more funny. In 2001, he decided not to be called Puff Daddy anymore. "Oh, okay," we all thought, "you feel silly and want to be taken more seriously. Fair enough. What are you going to be called now?" P. Diddy. Really, dude? Now you sound like the act of urination through the eyes of a three-year-old. Four years later, he just dropped it down to Diddy, which merely conjures up images of a really happy clown at a children's party. The fact that he's failed to realize that his real name is much cooler than any of these monikers is comical.

2. His Ability To Catalog Pose in Extreme Circumstances

You're in a low-flying helicopter in the desert with all the doors open. This could potentially be an outtake from The A-Team. So what do you do? You casually gaze forward, put your hand on your hip seductively, and straighten your leg out underneath you as much as you possibly can. It's like extreme J. Crew or something. Nobody would do this unless they wanted us to laugh. C'mon -- if it was Steve-O doing this on Jackass, you'd be in hysterics.

1. His Role in Get Him To The Greek

Puffy... Diddy... Whatever he's called, Sean Combs' role in Get Him To The Greek was borderline genius. He mocked himself, he mocked the music industry, his acting was remarkably good and, above all, he managed to keep an entirely straight face while rubbing furry walls and announcing: "You know how good this feels? I'm gonna cover the whole outside of my house in this material." Diddy had the best lines in the whole movie! How are we supposed to remember that he was a tough guy after this? 

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