Everyday stresses got you slurping caffeine like a crazed fiend? Workaday lifestyle keep you so amped up that you can never relax? Do you just need a little something extra to mellow you out at the end of the day?
No, we haven't switched to writing ad copy. We're just expressing disbelief at a product that recently landed on our desk: Beverages from Marley's Mellow Mood, "a new line of 100 percent natural relaxation teas and sodas created with the family of Bob Marley." We've just sampled three of them, and we're so freaking mellow we can barely even bother writing this. But here are a few of our initial impressions:
First issue (surprise): If we heard "relaxing substance" and "Bob Marley" in the same breath, tea or soda would certainly not be the first thing on our minds.
Second issue (nonsurprise): Marley's Mellow Mood is sponsoring Stephen Marley's tour, which rolled through the Fillmore on Wednesday.
Third issue (surprise): The Marley sodas, which contain lots of mellowing ingredients like chamomile, valerian root, and hop extract, taste like any other oversweetened citrus/berry soda or bottled green tea. (There is of course no caffeine in them.) We gave SF Weekly's esteemed restaurant critic Jonathan Kauffman a sample, and he was surprised that the flavor of the herbs didn't come through at all.
Fourth issue (surprise): The sodas' color is somewhat alarming. Compared to the neon-urine shade of the citrus flavor or the strawberry Kool-Aid look of the berry soda, your regular caramel-colored Coca-Cola looks like health food. (The Marley sodas claim to be 100 percent natural.)
Fifth issue: We offered samples of the drink to other folks in our office kitchen. The reactions included "Very tasty" (about the berry soda); "This looks like the kind of drink I wasn't allowed to have growing up" (about all); and a simple and unmistakable cringing face (about the citrus soda -- which, to be fair, looks like what Milwaukee's Best would look like if the main ingredient was toxic waste).
Supermellow conclusion: Why the fuck do these exist? We mean that on so many levels.