Since yesterday's Super Bowl Half Time Show was so sorely lacking in wardrobe malfunctions -- frankly, we found the Black Eyed Peas' outfits a billion times more offensive than Janet Jackson's silver-plated nipple, but whatever -- we decided to provide a bit of dirt today, so you can all get over the family friendly fun of yesterday. Here then, are the top five most politically incorrect videos.
5. "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself," The White Stripes
If there was a list of Things People Would Never Say, somewhere in the top five would be the phrase: "I wonder what Kate Moss' boobs look like." And while Ms Moss has all her special parts covered in this video, lots of feminists weren't particularly happy to see one of the world's most prominent super models making pole-dancing look like an aspirational goal. We'd also put money on the fact that strippers didn't like it much, either -- Moss doesn't even go upside down once! Rubbish!
4. "Shock The Monkey," Peter Gabriel
Given the name of the song, you probably think we're about to show you footage of primate torture. No, no (though there is a little of that coming up later, so do still brace yourself), nothing as obvious as all that. Instead, here's Peter Gabriel in a suit, with a briefcase, a bouncing table, some face paint and -- oh, what's that? -- three little people attacking him for no conceivable reason. What the eff, Pete? Are you that terrified of dwarfism? Not cool, dude.
3. "Putting On The Ritz," Taco
Sure, there's a lot that's disturbing in this video -- the abominably creepy Marcel Marceau-looking dude with the light saber cane being the primary problem -- but for some misguided reason, the members of Taco took it upon themselves to include in this clip (and we can't quite believe we're saying this) people in black face. It's like stumbling across suburban white people who think it's okay to use the N-word because they listen to hip-hop once a week. Are anyone else's eyes bleeding or is that just us?
2. "China Girl," David Bowie
Bowie's done some crazy shizz over the years -- we all know that. And yes, joining in with the rampant fetishization of Asian women was clearly on the agenda when this little ditty was written. But David does something to his eyes here -- one minute and 13 seconds in, if you feel like jumping straight to it -- that still makes our jaws drop every single time we see it. If we were him, we'd have had this video locked away in a vault at some point in the early '90s. But Bowie's nuts, so he probably still thinks this is okay. (It's not.)
1. "Closer," Nine Inch Nails
We initially picked this one because of the monkey tied to the crucifix -- that shit sucks for both animal-lovers and Christians. Then we re-watched the video, and remembered the baby skeleton, slaughtered pig (and severed head), the Jesus blindfold on the naked alien-looking chick, the distressed cockroaches and the partially functioning human heart strapped to a chair. Man. Trent Reznor knows how to cover all bases. We almost forgot about that whole ball-gagged and half-naked Trent chained-to-the-ceiling stuff (looks like just another Friday night in SOMA to us), but we bet people closer to the center of the country hated it with a vengeance.