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Monday, January 3, 2011

Top 6 Songs To Avoid If You Want To Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Posted By on Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 9:10 AM

Are you one of those hopelessly optimistic people who decides to transform yourself into a better human every time a New Year rolls around? You may have been brimming with enthusiasm for your resolution as the clock hit midnight last Friday, but we're guessing that, by now, the cracks are probably starting to show. So, just to make life a little harder for you, we've compiled some songs that'll make you want to do all the bad things you just gave up. Have fun with that!

6. "Fuck You," Cee-Lo Green

Never, in the history of the world, has a song been written that makes cursing such an utterly gleeful exercise. The closest we had before was the bit at the end of "Killing In The Name" by Rage Against The Machine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkuOAY-S6OY), but that was all angry and whatnot. "Fuck You" is pure, unadulterated fun and literally impossible to not sing along to. So, if you're in the process of trying to clean up that potty-mouth of yours (we're guessing you've got a child who's learning to speak - you're the only ones that do such things), prepare to throw a whole heap of quarters into the nearest swear jar.



5. "Spending Money," Will.i.am

This'll most likely make you want to swear a lot, too, being, as it is, one of the most obnoxious songs ever written. But if you are someone who has difficulty budgeting, and you're trying to get a handle on that right now, hearing this twerp going on about indulging in a whole heap of extravagance might make your wallet feel all twitchy. Also, listening to Will's oddball vocals here (is this rapping, talking, singing or none of the above? We're going with none of the above.) may prompt you to go record shopping, just to remind you what good music sounds like.

4. "Do You Wanna Touch Me," Joan Jett

Do we want to touch you there, Joan? Yes, we do. We want to touch you everywhere actually. And here you are, flashing us, in a tiny bikini and long rain coat, like an old perv in the forest looking for lone joggers. This song is enough to make anyone in the midst of trying to kick a promiscuity habit throw caution to the wind, chastity out the window, and underwear in the trash. Also, watch out boozers -- all this sweet, sweet lovin' is going to be performed on whisky and rye. What a temptress!



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