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Thursday, September 16, 2010

When Your Facebook Stalker Won't Take 'No' For an Answer

Posted By on Thu, Sep 16, 2010 at 8:24 AM

click to enlarge dearannaweb_2_thumb_500x359.jpg

Dear Anna,

I, like many others in my generation, am a bit of a Facebook junkie. I love the quizzes, the event invites, even the Farmville updates (I know, weird right?), but there is one thing I hate: boys that think 
Facebook is some weird stalker version of OkCupid.

There is this guy who friended me via a mutual friend and I accepted, of course. Anna, this guy has asked me out three, count 'em THREE times via Facebook and every single time I have (politely) declined. I've never even met this guy! What about "no" means "YES!" to men?


Get Off My Wall

I don't know, GOMW, but I'm pretty sure Katherine Heigl is to blame, and celebrity defense lawyers, and the oft-ignored denizens of Opposite Land, otherwise known as "Alaskans." Just kidding! Don't shoot me from a helicopter. Really though, "no" is such an ambiguous word. It's right up there with "I'm going to punch you in the face now," which is what my friend said to me when I asked to borrow his secret bra flask thing and he said no, so I took it anyway because I was confused, obviously.

Without getting all heavy on you and posting depressing links to rape

trial outcomes, some men (and women too) take "no" to be a form of

token resistance, as opposed to, you know, actual resistance. UC Davis

professor Michael Motley did a study in 2008 on such

gaps in intimate communication between the sexes, and found that men

respond better if you don't beat around the bush. (What are you

implying, Professor?) Via Science Daily: "[M[en were accurate at

interpreting direct resistance messages like 'Let's stop this.' But

they were as apt to interpret 'Let's be friends' to mean 'keep going'

as to mean 'stop.'" So don't mention "friendship" to your Facebook

"friend." And don't say anything about "sandwiches" either. Because

that means you're secretly "bisexual" or "hungry." One can just never

tell these days. Politely declining will not do. Nor will a response

such as: "No...unless you help me steal a goose egg on Farmville" (which

is not a euphemism, I hope). Be bold! Be succinct! Or at least be able to quickly make up an imaginary boyfriend named

Steve! Who's a professional windsurfer/orthodontist. He's very

versatile, my Stevie.

Some women are afraid that if they reject a man outright (and by

outright, I mean hiding safely behind a computer somewhere), he'll be

offended or angry or will post passive-aggressive status updates and

comments about your un-ironic love for Mariah Carey until you agree to

go to the malt shop with him or whatever it is people do when they're

not on Facebook. But that's probably not the case. Motley also found

that "most men actually accept direct resistance messages easily and

without negative reactions." So there you have it. Lay it on him! Wait.

Obviously, if the trend persists, defriend him. That's a glorious

power, my "friend," and you should wield it with the utmost

mouse-clickiness you can muster! Use two fingers if you can. Or a fist.

And that's advice you can apply to just about anything.

Follow us @SFAllShookDown and @annapulley

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Anna Pulley


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