I realize that Apple's masterplan is to take charge of all our pastimes: phone calls, listening to music, surfing for porn on a giant tablet. But dating
? Oh yeah, buddy. Behold Cupidtino
, "a beautiful new dating site created for fans of Apple products by
fans of Apple products."
Assuming this isn't some crafty prank (and that's a pretty big assumption), I would suggest the competition in San Francisco get crackin' pronto to compete with Steve Jobs' desire to turn Apple stores into Saturday nights at the Casanova.
Since the Internet is all about delivering services catered to specific subcultures, and dating is all about being specific in your checklist of mate qualifications, here are a couple suggestions for local matchmaking sites based on the needs of lonely San Franciscans.
Tweet 'n' Meet
Kinda like speed dating, except you judge your potential mate-for-life/one-night-stand on his or her ability to cram slutty come-ons and thoughtful questions about the real you into 140 characters or less. For those who need more substance, there will be an entire wall of photos of this person to choose from. Naked photos.
Ice Cream Social
You waste so much time in line for Bi-Rite
ice cream, time that could be spent dating your way to popping out kids. This new matchmaking site would help you chose a lover by where he/she choses to lick cone, if you know what we mean. You could be very clear about whether you rock a Bi-Rite, Humphry Slocombe
, or Mitchell
's kinda style. Easily weed out people who don't live in the Mission by their Ben & Jerry
This site would be aimed at singles who aren't so sure about that whole "Internet dating thing." The format would be simple. Sign up. Create a profile. Go to Dolores Park when it's sunny/a weekend. Get drunk. Hook up with a stranger who may or may not be single but was just as drunk.
See "Dolorous? Dolores!" Same idea, located at Zeitgeist, except this one comes with tamales.
Playa With Possibilities
We know how sad it is when Burning Man comes to an end. You no longer get to gobble mushrooms and cover yourself with sand and pretend you're Mad Max. You have to go back to your job answering stupid questions about why the boss' computer doesn't start up correctly. This site understands your need to live in a world that Burns 24-7. Instead of membership fees, Playa With Possibilities works on a barter system, where singles make wacky space alien costumes for mixers in SOMA and Dogpatch warehouses.
From Bay to Breakers with Benefits
Another safe, easy gateway into the world of meeting strangers online. Sign up for From Bay to Breakers with Benefits. Create a profile. Sign up for Bay to Breakers. The day of the race, get blackout drunk by 8 a.m. Wake up around noon in the bushes of Golden Gate Park, with a brand new buddy who may or may not be homeless.
"Weed" Out the Imperfect Match
We understand how excited you are to take that special someone to the Vapor Room
, but what if you're all snuggled up with your sweetie and your volcano and she's into the OG Kush, while you're more of a Granddaddy Purple kinda man? Totally
different trips, dudes. The next big love of your life needs to be on the same wavelength, and with "Weed" Out the Imperfect Match, you can judge your potential partner on what kinda medication they inhale.