Oh Morrissey, so much to answer for.
The blogosphere was aflutter with outrage, indignation and, of course, profound lamentation as fans reacted to the news that Morrissey had canceled Saturday's show at Oakland's Paramount Theatre due to illness.
"That Miserable 'Liar' isn't getting any more money from me," declared one anonymous commenter on morrissey-solo.com.
Only a Morrissey fan would paraphrase a Smiths song to unconvincingly prove he's really had it with El Moz this time.
It's the third Bay Area performance that Morrissey has canceled over the years. Fans arriving at his Golden Gate Park gig in 2004 were greeted by a burly usher shouting "The Morrissey's sick. No Morrissey today," which isn't a Smiths lyric but should have been.
There was wild speculation about the true reason for the cancellation. Morrissey endured a fate worse than sex with Madonna while playing Coachella on Friday -- the smell of grilling meats from the concession stands drifted across the stage during his set. It prompted the middle-aged vegetarian to announce "I can smell burning flesh and I hope to God it's human." Apparently after discovering that human sacrifices are only enacted at Burning Man, Morrissey walked off the stage in mid-lyric during "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others." Meat is murder, after all. "The smell of burning animals is making me sick. I just couldn't bear it," he explained when he returned to finish a lackluster show plagued by sound problems.
Hey, fair enough. A really bad smell that violates your personal and artistic integrity could render someone "Still Ill" the next day. (I, too, can skillfully weave Smiths song titles into my writing.) And Morrissey fans are a forgiving lot, as evidenced by their willingness to part with $85 to experience one of their hero's notoriously short concerts. (Disclosure: I've seen The Smiths/Morrissey ten times dating back to 1985, and I own every Smiths 12" ever released on Rough Trade.) But it's a bit hard to take when the man who put the "M" in Manchester showed up Saturday night at DNA Lounge to catch a show by Kristeen Young -- a former warm-up act who got the boot from his 2007 tour after she jokingly mentioned Morrissey and oral sex in the same sentence on stage.
Music blogger Paige Parsons at thecolorawesome.com discovered via twitter that Morrissey was hanging out in SOMA rather than agonizing over the beautiful creatures who died to provide overpriced sustenance to Coachella's degenerate desert carnivores. She then "searched Twitter for posts complaining about Morrissey's canceled show, and tweeted back that he's at the DNA Lounge." (These clever bloggers will stop at nothing to torment the man who saved us all from bands like Heaven 17 and Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark.) At least one mildly perturbed fan arrived, took Morrissey's photo, and tried to "express her displeasure to Moz about the canceled show."
Alas, that prompted Morrissey to leave, perhaps declaring "so goodbye, please stay with your own kind, and I'll stay with mine." (God, I'm on a roll with these lyrics.)
But if Morrissey was actually sick, you can't say he didn't warn you.
So, no more apologies
no more apologies
I'm too tired
I'm too sick and tired
and I'm feeling very sick and ill today
-- What Difference Does It Make?/The Smiths