The 3rd Annual Good Vibrations Amateur Erotic Film Festival
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Castro Theatre
By Melissa Baron
Better than: Watching porn alone and on the small screen.
Trannies, vibrators and erotica - oh my! The sex positive masterminds at Good Vibrations have truly outdone themselves. In the 3rd year of their Amateur Erotic Film Festival they pulled out all the stops, bringing in some of the most bizarre films around. At 8 p.m. guests took their seats and awaited the introduction of the hosts/judges. First up was Dr. Carol Queen. Queen works as staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, is director/co-founder of the Center for Sex & Culture and a seasoned writer of all things sex (including erotica). Then of course, there were the trannies. Peaches Christ took the stage with a hip-hop performance called "I'm Gangsta." She introduced her fellow trannies: Lady Bear, Hugz Bunny and Renttecca. Then all five queens (Carol and her trannies) sat on stage and let the films begin.
Color Sex Cook by David & Ellen Borengasser
This film featured a lot of close ups. First of cooking, then of sex, then..of cats? Oh yes. Two black and white cats intermixed between food and sex. They cooked rice, sausage and pasta. They pounded garlic. They sliced veggies and sausage. The audience took in their breath nervously and giggled watching the slicing of sausages so close to a sex scene. Ah, symbolism.
The queens enjoyed the sound of the food cooking and sizzling, though it made them hungry. Peaches remarked being on screen meant it was the biggest cock she'd ever seen. "It was very artistic," said Lady Bear. "I love straight guys, I love sausages, I love cats."
Ghostsbustanut by Lance Raynor
Little blond European girl Penelope comes to San Francisco for the first time. When she rings the doorbell to the large Victorian she'll be staying at a not-so-polished tranny opens the door. They walk to the top floor where Penelope's room is and the tranny leaves for Penelope to wash up. After a "sexy shower scene" Penelope goes to sleep and dreams of masturbation with outrageous sound effects that sounded more like gas than jilling off. She wakes up to hear someone saying "show me your nasty." Turns out the house is haunted. She pees her pants in fear, a golden shower for some happy ghost. It only gets more outrageous from there - bondage, 69 between two male ghosts, orgy, men in wigs and pigs noses, cages, stockings. These are some crazy ghosts. Highlights include a pregnant man/woman/tranny who points out her "pregnant pussy" and instructs Penelope to "give me an ultrasound with your tongue." It all culminates in Penelope putting on a strap on and fucking all the male ghosts then putting them in a cage. Pretty spooky.
"Housing is tight in this city. Anyone know what the rent is like in that place?" asked Lady Bear. Hugz had her own opinion, "I just liked that there were BJs."
Future O by Cecil Hirvi
Ah the world of computer-animated BDSM erotica. This one looked like it took place in Second Life or Warcraft. "Aboard a drifting BDSM spaceship..." a woman named Lippy is being held hostage (but I think she likes it) by a robot. She's a Vulcan and he tortures her a lot. Her only friend is a scorpion who she shares all her secrets with. Cut to a year earlier, she's in a pond surrounded by reeds. She's naked and washing herself. There's a man watching her and she realizes it and starts masturbating. Now back at the ship, the voyeur comes to rescue her. Unfortunately, she's actually happier on the BDSM spaceship.
"I totally loved her wigs and her boobs were rad," remarked Hugz. The judges all thought the animation was a nice touch. "This is very futuristic," said Queen.
Snake Charmer by Robbyn Alexander
Another series of video clips set to music. This one included old movies, apples, snakes in water and on land, a snake charmer with a cobra and kissing. The Biblical reference was loud and clear.
"I love that one. It's very arty and evocative," said Queen. Renttecca felt a bit differently.
"I felt like I was on acid looking at that," she said.
Suck My Crutch by Stephanie Ann Barba
The film begins with a woman getting a nervous-looking man into some S&M gear (including a chastity belt). He was prepping to go see a dom. When he arrives he's greeted by the dom's faithful (and protective) friend, a woman dressed as a cat (who acts like one too). He gets to the dom and she's in a wheelchair. He first sucks her toes, nipples, etc. Then he pulled out a bag of goodies including whips and latex globes. Some BDSM and rope bondage ensues. She asks him to lick her chair, so he gets down on his knees and tongues the spokes. He parts her legs over the chair and goes down on her only to pull out a series of red ribbons with his teeth. Then she gets one of the crutches from behind her and instructs him to "suck my crutch." He does in a way most reminiscent of a blow job and she gets off on it.
The trannies had already prepared a parody. Rentecca pulled a long ribbon out of Lady Bear and ran around stage with it. "It kind of smells like porridge." Fitting. The ladies had a lot to say about the cat. "The only thing I didn't like about that movie was that cat. She was so annoying," said Renttecca. Peaches remarked, "that movie does incite violence against cats." Then they joked that they thought the ribbon was just a really long tampon. Perhaps one you can keep in for a whole year.
Placeres by Sico
Placeres was the most conventionally "porny" of the bunch. It had shots of a man and a woman engaging in all sorts of sexual acts and occasionally cutting out to dining scenes. When they first start fooling around there cuts between them and a fruit bowl. During a very intense blowjob scene the film cuts to her eating a piece of fruit (not banana). While they're having sex it cuts to scenes of someone slicing up and eating meat. The music speeds and slows as their bodies do. Near the end she drinks milk and it gets all over her face. Then she has him cum in a cup. In the last scene, she rips open her slip and masturbates with half a papaya. Wouldn't those seeds get messy?
"I was wondering, how did they get that gay guy to have sex with that chick. He's a great actor," said Renttecca. All the queens joked how they knew the benefit of cucumber for the eyes, but not papaya for the vagina. Peaches humorously brought up an important issue, "when you're an actress you have to take risks and she took the ultimate risk - no condoms."
Narcissister's Self-Gratifier ("The Workout") by Narcissister
Narcissister, clad in her workout gear and a mask, did some aerobics with weights in heels. Then she headed to her customized workout machine. It was styled like a bike. As she peddled whips on the back would hit her back, a big black dildo would lower into her face and fake hands would rest on her boobs. The seat had a butt plug and a spinning thing in the front was in the perfect place for some straight masterbation.
"That would make me want to join a gym," remarked Queen. Lady Bear felt the mask looked very Dione Warwick and Peaches thought she deserved an instillation at the MOMA. They all praised the use of a black dildo, affirmative action at work.
Phil Loves San Francisco by D. Irene Catema Milder, Philop Walter Darnowsky and Sadie Lune
Shot like a home video, a cam follows Phil around to document his likes and loves. Phil, a bearded man with a big smile, likes a lot of things. Phil likes coffee, Phil likes dogs and Phil really likes computers. There's one thing Phil really loves - Phil loves San Francisco. Phil loves the Panhandle. He gets there, digs a hole, drops his pants and puts his penis in said hole. Phil loves Twin Peaks. He takes off his shirt and rubs his nipples standing in Twin Peaks. "He is caressing Twin Peaks." Phil loves City Lights Bookstore. He licks Howl by Allen Ginsberg. Phil loves the N Judah. "He is making sweet love to the N Judah." Phil loves the Lexington Club. He gyrates on the Lexington Club. Phil loves the Mission (close up of Taqueria Can Cun). "He is fucking a burrito" (in front of a mural, no less). Phil loves the Gandhi statue -- luckily not in that way. Phil loves the bike lane. "Phil is riding the bike lane." In a thong. "But most of all, Phil loves you." Shot of Phil dancing in thong.
"As soon as he started humping the N Judah I thought wow, this is great filmmaking," said Renttecca. The judges pointed out that it reminded them of Full House and of why they use hand sanitizer all the time.
As for the winners? Best Use of a Sex Toy went to Narcissister, Most Creative went to Phil Loves San Francisco (Sadie who worked on this film won the Audience Award last year), Best Film Making went to Ghostsbustanut and the Audience Award went to Suck My Crutch.
Personal Bias: I thought last year's emphasis on safe sex was really important and I was disappointed to see so little of it this year. Also, I think the festival may have gotten too artsy. Can't we just have a little more fucking?
Random Detail: At intermission Peaches performed her adaptation of "Thriller."
By the Way: Good Vibrations has a Halloween Party at their Valencia store tonight. Free.