Get SF Weekly Newsletters
Pin It

Winter Is Coming on Your Face: The Art of Porn Parody 

Wednesday, Jun 4 2014
Comments

With titles like Hung Wankenstein, Pulp Friction, and my personal favorite, Edward Penis-Hands (I laugh every single time), the genre of porn parody has lived comfortably in the realm of comedy for years. But there's nothing funny about how much I want to see a threesome between Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Princess Leia; I take that very seriously. Luckily, Axel Braun, the director of the recent Star Wars XXX: a porn parody from Vivid Entertainment, takes that seriously too. With a budget the size of Ron Jeremy's junk (the biggest budget in the history of porn, according to Braun), this porno flick has been better received by die-hard Star Wars fans than The Phantom Menace ever was. Braun claims he only parodies source material that he "has a strong emotional connection to," and Star Wars XXX certainly feels like porn made by and for fans, with earnest attention paid to details like line inflection and costumes that mirror the original film with incredible accuracy. For many fans, those details matter.

In the new start-up economy, where being clever and detail-oriented is often rewarded with a bigger payout than being suave and good with people, the geek has certainly inherited the earth. The latest Silicon Valley boom has placed nerds at the top of the economic food chain, and the sex industry, along with everyone else who's paying attention, has taken notice. If Star Wars XXX can be the most financially successful adult film ever made even in a time when DVD sales are a small fraction of what they were five years ago, I figured I should try my hand at this geeky porn parody thing as well.

"Porn is about outfits and talking," Sam Solo told me as I laid out tracks of white blond clip-in hair extensions and gladiator sandals. I recently directed a Game of Thrones-inspired porn scene for local fetish site, GirlBullies.net. The site focuses on fantasies of female domination, and I have a deep appreciation for tiny blond women wielding large amounts of power, so the violet-eyed Dragon Queen from the HBO series seemed like a natural choice. It was my directorial debut, and I was nervous. The hottest girl in the world can dress up like Daenerys Targaryen, but if her accent isn't right or she pronounces her own name wrong, it just ruins the whole thing. I want to believe, at least for the split second before I climax, that I really am submitting to the Rightful Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.

Being a novice at all this, I made a rookie mistake. I brought a Lord of the Rings sword as a prop, and was chastised heavily by one of the cast members. In fan-culture, it is highly frowned upon to mix universes. It would be terribly uncouth, for example, to wear a Star Trek Federation uniform to a Star Wars-themed sex party. I knew better, but one can only order so many special-edition fantasy swords from eBay on an indie porn filmmaker's budget.

I may be in the minority within the fandom, but I care far more about the roleplay than the cosplay. I focus more on the talking than the outfits. For me, what makes a porn parody hot is how well the actors portray their roles. I want the sexual tensions already present in the source material to inform the sex scenes. Leia's slave costume doesn't have to be an exact replica of what it was in the original 1977 film; I just want to see a sassy brunette in a metal bikini confused by why she kissed her brother in the last movie.

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones — these are not just blockbuster hits and marketing campaigns. For many, including Braun, Solo, and myself, these are stories that have been a part of our imaginations for years. They are 20th century archetypes that have been working on our psyches long before porn was on the menu.

So when Ella Nova, the actress playing the Dragon Queen, towered above scrawny Sam Solo and said in a low and dangerous voice, "I am Daenerys Targaryen, First of Her Name, Daenerys StormBorn, The Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Mother of Dragons, Queen of the Andals and the First of Men, Rightful Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, Protector of the Realm... and you have failed me," my heart skipped a beat. It's like my fantasy was having a fantasy.

Visit SoundCloud to listen to the podcast that accompanies this week's column: an interview with "Star Wars XXX"'s Axel Braun.

About The Author

Siouxsie Q

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Slideshows

  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"